Progress

Just wanted to keep y'all posted on what's going on with my book.  First of all, I have to note that since I last wrote, I've gotten almost $200 more in donations.  Whooohoooo!!!  Secondly, I've chosen the publisher that I'm going to have make my book.  I'm using CreateSpace which is Amazon's self publishing counterpart.  I've spoken to their Publishing Consultant and we've established a timeline to try to stick to.  Basically, it sounds like once the illustrations are finished, it will only take between 2 1/2 and 3 months to have the book completely finished.  How cool is that???

Speaking of the pictures, my brother is currently working on them.  I've included some of his illlustrations below (from other projects he's done) just so you can see his style and ability.  He works mostly in pen and then watercolors over it.  It's pretty stinkin' amazing if you ask me.  I've asked him to try to have most of the illustrations ready to go by mid to late March so that I can contact CreateSpace and officially get started.

 

 

A beginning sketch of a forest. 

Very early stages of a final draft. 

Sketch with some water color over it... this one is for my book. 

 

I can't believe it's getting so close now.  To think that by summer, I should be holding Home Runs in Heaven in my hands is pretty incredible.

 

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Drum Roll Please...

Oh. My. Gosh. 

It has been thirty days since Nash's sixth birthday.  Thirty days since I asked my friends and family to take a chance and help me publish my book.  Thirty days of the most humbling, heartfelt, and encouraging words of support, love, and prayers.  I AM BLESSED.

So, my friends, it is with great excitement and a huge smile on my face, that I announce the grand total of donations from all sources - which include the Pubslush website, cash, checks, and the donations that some people already donated to March of Dimes in the last month.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

$14,155!!!

Holy moly. 

I am in awe.  Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

I have lots to do now to get my book out there.  I've narrowed down a self publisher and have spoken to them this week.  My brother has sent me loads of sketches and is about ready to begin final copies of his illustrations.  So much to do!!!  And I will definitely be keeping you posted on my progress every step of the way.

But... today, I'm just going to bask in the light of knowing that Home Runs in Heaven will be shared with so many people, thanks to YOU.

SO MUCH LOVE to y'all,
Tracy

Stunned

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon volunteering at a March of Dimes event in Dallas.  I had a good time meeting other March For Babies team captains and their families.  It's always such great company.  One of the women I met was a super sweet lady from Dallas that had two girls, one of which was born very premature.  She and I talked a lot throughout the afternoon.  One thing she mentioned really struck me, and I wanted to make sure to pass it along to y'all.

While we were talking about our March For Babies experiences, she asked me how we always were able to raise so much money - was it just through family and friends or did we have big donations from companies each year? What was our strategy?  I explained that, for the most part, we are just blessed to have really compassionate, empathic, and supportive family and friends.  And then she said something that made me so, so sad...

"It gets harder to raise money every year.  It's like people have forgotten what we've been through and don't think to help out anymore."

I was stunned.  For lots of reasons, really.  One, because of the fact that she felt her family and friends had moved past what her family had been through.  Two, because I had never even thought of that happening to anyone.  And three, because I have raised over $12,000 towards my book in less than a month due to you, my friends, having done anything but "forgotten."  I truly am in awe every single day that my book is about to turn into a reality.  All because of you.

My biggest, baddest fear is that, because Nash was only here five months, he'll be forgotten.  He barely got a chance to make his mark.  But every single day I am reminded that, not only does he live on in me and my family, but he lives on in all of you as well.  You have lifted this fear from my soul, and I am grateful for that.  And now, because of your generosity, he will be remembered within the pages of my book... a lasting legacy for all to see. 

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Knoxie

Oh sweet Knoxie...

You just turned four.  How does time go by so quickly?  How is it possible that you've grown into a little boy right before our eyes? 

 

My hope is that someday you kids will read this blog for yourselves, so I figured that maybe I should tell you a little about yourself as a four year old. 

You are my middle child.  THE middle child.  You exemplify middle child.  You know the saying, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" Well you, Knox, make me wonder about this in a different way... Were you just born with your middle child-ness?  Or did you learn it through experience?  Whichever way it happened, you do "middle" quite well.

You see, you are stubborn and hard-headed beyond belief (and I thought your brother was bad!).  You have opinions and you stick to them just because you can.  You need examples, you say?  Where should I start?

When being forced to wear a pair of sweatpants that you don't like, you tell us that, "Actually they aren't pants, they're just long shorts."  Which I guess, to you, means they're okay.  God forbid you have to wear gray sweats.  Or how about the fact that you love only things that are green?  According to you, everyone knows that green cars are better, green crayons are better, green socks are better, and green cups are better.  Duh.  Or maybe we could talk about your fashion sense.  In your eyes, it is ONLY permissible to wear Puma shirts with navy or black track pants that have a stripe down the side.  No tags please.  Oh, and don't forget the green socks. 

You are a little boy with some quirks... You strip down to your skivvies the MOMENT you walk into the house.  Your motto?  "Underwear All the Time."  You could live on fruit snacks - but only if they're the ones from the Cars movie.  And it takes you a good 45 minutes to get through a pack because you suck on them - three at a time.  You fall asleep in weird places ALL THE TIME... on a kitchen stool and the bleachers of a basketball game are your latest achievements.

But you know what, Buddy?  Even with your "slight" idiosyncrasies,  you are the perfect fit for us.  Because along with all that, you are the cuddliest, loviest, gentlest boy.  Often I hear you yelling, "Mommmmmmy!!!!" from another room, and when I answer, you call out, "I love you!"  ...Sigh... You have an infectious giggle that your daddy and I smile at as we hear it coming down the stairs.  You use words that are far too big for your little mouth - like "incredible" or "interesting" or "unbelievable."  You have the cutest pout on the planet that I cannot even take seriously.  And best of all, you look up to your big brother and take care of your little sister - just like a "middle" is supposed to.

Thank you for being my one and only Foxy Knoxie.  I love you.  Happy Birthday!

 

Mommy 

99

I've felt the need to follow up on my last post for days now.  I need to take a moment to brag on my incredible friends and family members.  In just over five days, 99 families have donated to the book I wrote, Home Runs in Heaven, which puts me at just under $8000, AND over $500 has been donated directly to the March of Dimes.  Can you believe this???  All in the memory of one sweet baby boy.

 

 

The blessings just keep coming... The day after I submitted my book to the Pubslush website, I received an email from them, saying I had set a record for the amount of money raised in only one day and that they would be moving my excerpt to their homepage... which they have now done.  It's the first thing you see if you happen onto their site.  Pretty cool. 

Check out the homepage here:
www.pubslush.com
Or you go directly to my donation page here:
www.pubslush.com/books/id/961

In addition, the woman that contacted me, mentioned that she was passing my name on to their social media person because they'd like to feature me on the Pubslush blog.  Even cooler!  I figure, the more my book gets "out there," the more money I can raise to publish it and then give to March of Dimes. 
 
Another really amazing thing I wasn't expecting... Pubslush provides a spreadsheet of all the people who have donated to me, so that I can keep track of everything.  I am really humbled by how many people on the list are complete strangers to me.  I've done some stalking... I mean digging around, and I've been able to figure out the connection to some of them.  But a handful are still a mystery.  I just can't get over the fact that people I don't even know are so willing to help me with my dream.  How did I get this lucky?
 
Last week at this time, I was spending a lot of time worrying over whether or not this was the best way for me to get published.  I worried what the reception would be like.  I worried that people would think it was a silly thing for me to try to do.  And I worried that, in the end, I'd just be disappointed.  But thanks to you, those worries are gone.  I couldn't be more grateful.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

A Birthday Celebration

Today Nash would be six.  Six.  He'd have already grown into a full-fledged little boy... running around, not eating his vegetables, tracking dirt up my stairs, and getting tucked in safe and sound every night.  This is always a day of such mixed emotions.  Of course, my heart aches at not being able to see the little boy he would be.  While at the same time, I try to think of today as a day we set aside to celebrate him and all he taught us during the five short months he was here.  This year, I might have thought of a way to really do this...

First off, I've got to say that I'm overwhelmed by so many of your comments and well-wishes regarding the big "reveal" that I hinted at last week.  I am so blessed to have family and friends that have my back.  Really, I'm a lucky lady.

Okay so here goes...

A little background info first: As many of you know, I really like to write - always have.  In the fall of 2008, a couple months after Nash passed away, I wrote a manuscript for a children's book that attempted to explain heaven in kids terms.  At the time, Tate had just turned two, and I knew that he was going to start asking more questions about his little brother as time went on.  So my project began as a way to help him and ended up being a cathartic exercise in healing for me. 

To make a long story short, I reached out to potential publishers maybe a year or so after I wrote it. I actually got an offer for publication from a very small, private company in Ohio.  The publisher and I spoke over the phone for months - I even received some sketches from his illustrators for a couple of the pages.  And then I got a phonecall that the company was going under and my contact had taken a new job at a very large publishing company out of state.  So needless to say, my big plan stopped right in it's tracks.  I was bummed, so I put my book on hold for awhile. 

Last year, I decided I'd like to try again, but after doing more research, I realized that self publishing might be my best option.  After all, the reason for getting my book out there is to help other families dealing with loss and also to keep Nash's memory alive.  I just had one big problem... self publishing is EXPENSIVE!  Even though children's books are much shorter than novels, the colorful illustrations tend to make them much more to produce.  So began my internal brainstorming as to how to make this happen.

My first breakthrough came when I spoke to my brother.  He agreed to do the illustrations for me (after all, he did graduate from the Art Institute of Chicago)!  I still want to compensate him, but it won't be nearly as expensive as using an illustrator from a self publishing company.

And then came a major breakthrough...  By complete chance, a wonderful friend introduced me to a website that might actually be able to make my dream come true.  Pubslush.com is a site devoted to people just like me - authors looking for a way to publish.  All I have to do is submit my book to the site and have people visit it and decide if they'd like to make a donation to help get it published.  Then if I reach my goal, the money goes towards the self publishing costs.  Amazing. 

I have spent many hours getting my page ready for my friends and family to see.   There's an excerpt from the book, a short video (not real thrilled that I had to do that), and lots of specific info about the book and my plans for publishing. 

And as y'all have probably guessed, this is where you come in.  I have exactly 30 days from today to raise a minimum of $5000, with my ultimate goal being $10,000.  The more money my book is getting, the more publicity it gets on the website.  So if you feel inclined to help, please visit the link below and look around.  Then decide if you think this is something you'd like to help me with. 

http://pubslush.com/books/id/961


But hold on...

Many of you have walked along this path with me for so long now, you may have a question brewing in the back of you mind... It might sound something like this,"Wow, I'd love to help her with this, but she always asks for donations for the March of Dimes this time of year too.  I really can't do both."  And you'd be right.  This is what I've debated on over and over again for months.  But I think I've come up with an idea.

If I raise any money above the amount I need to actually get my book published (~$5000) the rest will be donated directly to the March of Dimes in memory of Nash.  So if anyone wants to donate to my book, there is no need to make a separate donation to MOD later. 

At first I worried that by doing it this way, I would raise a lot less for March of Dimes compared to what I usually do.  But a friend pointed out that my bottom line every year is to help other families and remember Nash, and that by publishing my book, I would be accomplishing both of these.  I think I'm okay with that... for this year.

So, I guess that's it.  It's not anything crazy or life-altering or amazing.  It's just me trying to do one more thing for my little boy on his birthday.  I want so badly to make him proud. 

Thank you in advance for any support, prayers, or donations that you offer.  After all, for this to really work, I'm gonna need all three.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Plans for the New Year

Now that 2014 is nine days in, I've had time to think about where I want this year to go.  I've debated all my usual resolutions and pretty much shot them down one by one.  This year, I feel like I need something more.  Something big.  So I've decided to embark on a long-awaited journey.

Rewind just a bit. 

January 1st always marks the 1/2 way mark of Nash's passing.  He died on July 1, so this past New Year's Day marked exactly 5 1/2 years that he's been gone.  It always hits me pretty hard, as I wrestle with the clean slate hopefulness of a brand new start and the acknowledgement that more time has passed since I've seen my baby's sweet face.  Bittersweet is an understatement. 

Nash's sixth birthday is coming up next week and I've decided that it's on that day that I'm going to begin working towards my ultimate goal for 2014.  I've worked for five years on a very special and personal "project" and I think I've come up with a way to - hopefully - make it a reality. 

So next Wednesday, January 15th, on Nash's birthday, I'm going to ask for A LOT of help from anyone and everyone to accomplish a feat that I don't even know is truly possible at this point.  There will be lots more details to come.  I'm really looking forward to start on this path... 

Love to y'all,
Tracy