A Birthday Celebration

Today Nash would be six.  Six.  He'd have already grown into a full-fledged little boy... running around, not eating his vegetables, tracking dirt up my stairs, and getting tucked in safe and sound every night.  This is always a day of such mixed emotions.  Of course, my heart aches at not being able to see the little boy he would be.  While at the same time, I try to think of today as a day we set aside to celebrate him and all he taught us during the five short months he was here.  This year, I might have thought of a way to really do this...

First off, I've got to say that I'm overwhelmed by so many of your comments and well-wishes regarding the big "reveal" that I hinted at last week.  I am so blessed to have family and friends that have my back.  Really, I'm a lucky lady.

Okay so here goes...

A little background info first: As many of you know, I really like to write - always have.  In the fall of 2008, a couple months after Nash passed away, I wrote a manuscript for a children's book that attempted to explain heaven in kids terms.  At the time, Tate had just turned two, and I knew that he was going to start asking more questions about his little brother as time went on.  So my project began as a way to help him and ended up being a cathartic exercise in healing for me. 

To make a long story short, I reached out to potential publishers maybe a year or so after I wrote it. I actually got an offer for publication from a very small, private company in Ohio.  The publisher and I spoke over the phone for months - I even received some sketches from his illustrators for a couple of the pages.  And then I got a phonecall that the company was going under and my contact had taken a new job at a very large publishing company out of state.  So needless to say, my big plan stopped right in it's tracks.  I was bummed, so I put my book on hold for awhile. 

Last year, I decided I'd like to try again, but after doing more research, I realized that self publishing might be my best option.  After all, the reason for getting my book out there is to help other families dealing with loss and also to keep Nash's memory alive.  I just had one big problem... self publishing is EXPENSIVE!  Even though children's books are much shorter than novels, the colorful illustrations tend to make them much more to produce.  So began my internal brainstorming as to how to make this happen.

My first breakthrough came when I spoke to my brother.  He agreed to do the illustrations for me (after all, he did graduate from the Art Institute of Chicago)!  I still want to compensate him, but it won't be nearly as expensive as using an illustrator from a self publishing company.

And then came a major breakthrough...  By complete chance, a wonderful friend introduced me to a website that might actually be able to make my dream come true.  Pubslush.com is a site devoted to people just like me - authors looking for a way to publish.  All I have to do is submit my book to the site and have people visit it and decide if they'd like to make a donation to help get it published.  Then if I reach my goal, the money goes towards the self publishing costs.  Amazing. 

I have spent many hours getting my page ready for my friends and family to see.   There's an excerpt from the book, a short video (not real thrilled that I had to do that), and lots of specific info about the book and my plans for publishing. 

And as y'all have probably guessed, this is where you come in.  I have exactly 30 days from today to raise a minimum of $5000, with my ultimate goal being $10,000.  The more money my book is getting, the more publicity it gets on the website.  So if you feel inclined to help, please visit the link below and look around.  Then decide if you think this is something you'd like to help me with. 

http://pubslush.com/books/id/961


But hold on...

Many of you have walked along this path with me for so long now, you may have a question brewing in the back of you mind... It might sound something like this,"Wow, I'd love to help her with this, but she always asks for donations for the March of Dimes this time of year too.  I really can't do both."  And you'd be right.  This is what I've debated on over and over again for months.  But I think I've come up with an idea.

If I raise any money above the amount I need to actually get my book published (~$5000) the rest will be donated directly to the March of Dimes in memory of Nash.  So if anyone wants to donate to my book, there is no need to make a separate donation to MOD later. 

At first I worried that by doing it this way, I would raise a lot less for March of Dimes compared to what I usually do.  But a friend pointed out that my bottom line every year is to help other families and remember Nash, and that by publishing my book, I would be accomplishing both of these.  I think I'm okay with that... for this year.

So, I guess that's it.  It's not anything crazy or life-altering or amazing.  It's just me trying to do one more thing for my little boy on his birthday.  I want so badly to make him proud. 

Thank you in advance for any support, prayers, or donations that you offer.  After all, for this to really work, I'm gonna need all three.

Love to y'all,
Tracy