Today Knox is 170 days old. Most moms probably don't know when it is that their baby will hit this mark... But I've calculated it countless times to make sure I'm right. Today is the day where Knox's lifespan has outlasted his big brother's. Nash died when he was 169 days old. By his 170th day, he was gone.
Since the day Knox was born, this day has loomed over my head. I was so afraid that he wouldn't make it this far... that he'd follow in Nash's footsteps. Then, once it was confirmed that his heart was healthy, I began to dread this day even more. You see, up to this point, I was able to compare all three of my boys. I could say, "Oh he looks so much like Tate at this age." Or, "Nash used to do that at this age." And now, I can't compare Knox to Nash anymore. I've only had one other child be at this age... I don't know what Nash would have been like at 6 months or a year old or two...
So today is a day of mixed emotions. Am I relieved to be at this point with Knox? Of course. But today also reminds me how sad I am that I never got to this point with Nash.
170 days old. To some, it's just the beginning and to others, it's more than an entire lifetime.
Love to y'all,
Tracy
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