Overwhelmed

Wow... Never did I expect the response that we got to Nash's birthday. I knew I had a wonderful group of friends and the most supportive family, but the way all of these people banded together to form the most comforting blanket around our family was truly extraordinary...not to mention the work of God, Himself. There is no other explanation; for this I am positive... so overwhelming.

As difficult as this day was, we woke up to be reminded that our little boy will not be forgotten when we looked outside to find a bunch of yellow balloons tied to our mailbox. I still don't know who was behind this, but I cannot thank them enough for the smile it put on our faces. Then mid-morning, we went by my school to put some flowers on Nash's bench, but were surprised to find that many others had beaten us to it... so overwhelming.

After Tate got home from "two year old school," we gave him the balloons from the mailbox to send up to heaven. He always associates balloons with Nash and was very happy to "give" them to his brother. Watching a two year old boy do this is both the most beautiful and heart-wrenching thing... so overwhelming.

As the day went on, the emails, telephone calls, flowers, text messages, and notes in the mail came continuously. People were willing to put aside the fact that the subject of losing a child is hard to talk about and simply reach out to us when we needed them most. On top of all this, some of my very good friends even dedicated a post on their own blogs to remembering Nash (Lainey Cathryn, Hazelwood Headlines, Cameron Antonio Mennsfield, and Feagin Blog)... so overwhelming.

For months now, I have been overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, despair, guilt, worry, and anxiety. Of course, some days are worse than others. But the feelings are always there in some way. I was dreading how deeply overwhelming these feelings would be on Nash's birthday. And they were definitely there; I could feel them with every ounce of my being. Yet, it never crossed my mind that I would be feeling another type of "overwhelmed" as well.

Thank you to ALL of you who helped us celebrate Nash's special day. I know that it was not easy for you to send that email, or watch the slide show, or write that note. But because you did, we got through a very difficult day... so overwhelming.

I hope that y'all know that we don't ever intend to be a downer to your day. I just feel that by asking for you to remember Nash, I am still taking care of my little boy. Being a parent means you have this innate need to do this and even though I know he is now in the care of the most perfect God, I still want to do my part. So this is why I come to y'all . I hope this makes sense.

Again, I cannot thank you enough for all of your thoughts and prayers. I am forever grateful to you for making this day the best that it could be under these horrible circumstances... so overwhelming.

Love to y'all,

Tracy