Honestly speaking, I was very nervous to meet Colton... I feel a very special connection between he and I, but I was so afraid to actually see him, let alone hold him. However, as soon as we walked in the door of their house, I scooped him up and held him as close as I could get him. This first time was hard because the last time I really held a baby, he was cold and still in my arms. It was difficult to get that image from my mind. But the more I held Colton, the more natural it felt and the more I enjoyed it.He is such a good baby and so beautiful. My favorite was changing his tiny diapers and holding him as he slept (which was a lot!). As much as I wish I were holding Nash, I was happy that I was physically able to hold a little boy and not completely break down. It may sound silly, but I wanted to be sure that I wasn't pretending that Colton was Nash. And I was proud of myself for accepting this and still enjoying my time with him.
Of course, there were things that were similar... just hearing those little coos and grunts of a new baby were reminiscent of our days with our sweet boy. Or watching him twitch or gurgle as he slept. He was wearing the same jammies that Nash had, which made a lot of memories come back. But through it all, I found myself happy to be connected to this new little miracle, while still holding my own little boy so closely in my heart.
Sunday was more difficult than I had anticipated it to be. The actual baptism service was very nice. But standing up there (we are his godparents) as they announced Colton's name made my heart wretch with pain. Just one year ago, everyone was down here celebrating Nash's baptism. I think the whole family had a very hard time that afternoon... Nash was on everyone's minds and hearts. And yet, I know that he was there with us, welcoming his cousin into his life as a child of God.
Brad, me, Eric, Colton, Jill, and Steven at the baptism. 
The boys ringing the bell after church!Tate had a wonderful time playing with Colton's two year old brother, Cade. They were connected at the hip and the very best of friends. Tate also was very aware of Colton and was thrilled to be able to hold him. I loved watching him interact with the baby, but it was very bittersweet as well. The first night we got to KC, we were all eating and Tate quietly walked over to Colton, who was lying on the floor. He laid down on his belly, looking down at him, watching him so intently. He later told his Uncle Steven, "I love Baby Colton. He's just like Baby Nash. I love Baby Nash too." I hate that my two year old has to miss his brother and that there is nothing I can do to fix that for him. My heart ached as I watched him with Colton.
Tate and Colton cuddling on the couch.
Tate covering Colton with his most prized possession... his blankie!
Tate watching his new cousin.
Tate and Cade pretending to sleep.
Best Buddies
Boys will be boys... Tate, the bike rider!
Great Grandpa Sievers and the boys
Uncle Steven
Sweet Baby Colton
We are so blessed to have an amazing family. Our weekend trips always end way too soon. Eric, Jill, Cade, and sweet Colton: Thank you for a great weekend. We love you so much and can't wait to see you again this summer. Take care of each other. Love to y'all,
Tracy
2 comments:
Glad you had such a wonderful trip! your family sounds amazing!
Such a beautiful little boy! :) And Cade and Tate look like they could be brothers - they look really similar! I hope the rest of your Spring Break is restful and relaxing. :)
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