Four Years

I dread having to make this post every year.  How do I possibly describe the feelings that run through me on the anniversary of Nash's death?  It's not something that can be explained unless you live it.  The only way I can even begin to put it into words is to say that it's whatever you imagine it to be multiplied by a million.  And thankfully, most people will never have to feel it. 

Four years ago today my world was turned upside and inside out and pulled in every opposite direction at once.  My baby left me without a moment's notice; without a kiss good-bye.  I know he went to the most perfect place, where he is happy and not hurting. But it still tears my heart out every morning when I wake up knowing he's not going to be there.

I really just want today to be over with.  I want to move past July 1st and go from there.  All I do is look at the clock and go back to that day and remember what I was doing and how my world was crashing down more and more as the hours went by... At a little after 10:00am, I began the frantic search for a plane ticket to try to get me to Nash because my mother-in-law said he seemed really sick and they were taking him to a doctor to run some tests.  I knew I had to try to get there. 

Please pray for the hours to tick by fast today.  Please pray for good memories of Nash to come to our minds and stay in our hearts.  Please pray for peace in the knowledge that he is with God.  And please, please think of our little boy and send him your love.

Love to y'all,
Tracy