Seriously???

I'll start with the good news: everything seems to be okay as of now. But the last forty-eight hours has been a whirlwind of high anxiety and emotions once again...

It began Tuesday morning, when I woke up feeling a little nauseas and then proceeded to be sick throughout the remainder of the day. My poor mom took over for me for the day and Brad was on "Daddy Duty" as soon as he got home from work. It was nasty, nasty, nasty and I prayed no one else would come down with it.

Yesterday afternoon, Knox (who normally has a very sweet, calm temperment) began screaming and inconsolably crying in one split second. Nothing seemed to have triggered it. He just screamed... and screamed... and screamed. Now if this would've happened when Tate was a baby, I probably would've thought nothing of it, because he pretty much cried continuously for the first eight weeks of his life. But Knox is very different than that, so he had me worried within those first few minutes of me not being able to console him no matter what I tried to do.

I gave it a little time, and then called the pediatrician to get some advice. I was beginning to worry that maybe he was getting what I had, but couldn't tell us it was his tummy. They gave me some tips on what to do to help him. But after another thirty minutes, he was still screaming. My mom suggested calling the ped's office back and bring him in. It was only a half hour from the time they closed, so I had to hurry.

I ended up flying to the doc's office (minus a diaper bag or any extra food!) and was seen immediately. The doc said his right ear looked infected, but she wanted to be sure there was nothing more than that. They did a CBC to check Knox's white blood count and some other things, which all came back normal. But his temp was at 100.5 degrees - which, in a baby under eight weeks old, can be dangerous. Knox screamed through most of the visit and the doctor was obviously concerned. She decided that I needed to head over to the hospital to get a "septic work-up" done on him that evening. This would include more bloodwork, a urine analysis, and a spinal tap. It would reveal if there was anything as far as infection or bacteria in Knox's body. I broke down right there in the little room... Not again.

So we got to the hospital and were eventually seen by a doctor, who assured us that all of the tests being run really were necessary to rule out any very serious infections that may be causing Knox's fussiness and temperature. So basically, for the next five hours, Knox was poked and prodded all over his poor little body.

They started with a cathetar to get a urine sample. Then they tried to get blood from the top of one of his hands, which didn't work. So they used the other one and finally got enough to use for a work-up. These test results came back normal and we were so relieved.

Next was the spinal tap... No one wants to hear that a doctor is going to stick their seven week old baby in the spine with a need to draw out fluid from their spinal cord. But these words struck me even more deeply... Back when Nash was rushed to the ER the day he died, they had to run many, many tests on him to figure out what the problem was. I was on my way to him because he was visiting his grandparents in Iowa when everything happened. But I remember someone telling me over the phone that they were going to have to do a spinal on him to check fo meningitis. I just remember thinking, "What kind of mother isn't there with her baby when they are getting a spinal tap?" I have felt so, so guilty about not being there with him. I might not have been able to take his pain away, but I could've been there to at least wipe his tears.

So when the doctors told us that normally they ask parents to step out of the room during the procedure because it's "traumatic" to watch, my heart sank. When the doc left the room to get all of the supplies, all I could think of was Nash and I couldn't let them do this to Knox without his mommy there. So in the end, I stayed with him and talked to him through his tears and scooped him up when they were done, telling him how proud I was of him and how much I loved him... the same thing I would've done with Nash if I'd been given the chance.

The results finally came back and again everything appeared normal. The final diagnosis? A virus that caused his temp to get to that borderline-scary level for a newborn. The fever then made him so inconsolable. So they gave him a high dose of antibiotic in a shot in his little thigh (another poke) just in case one of the cultures ends up showing something in the next few days and also to help his ear infection.

We had a re-check at the ped's office this morning. His temp was gone and she did confirm that he has an ear infection, which could also have caused his fussiness and temp. He got another dose of the antibiotic from last night in the form of two shots (more pokes!!!) She also decided to swab his nose for RSV. The results of this came back "borderline positive." She said that as more time passed they would be able to have a more accurate result, but that it looked like it was going to come out positive for RSV, which is a respiratory problem, usually evident by a baby's heavy breathing, wheezing, etc. It can be very dangerous if not watched closely. So far, Knox just has a little bit of a stuffy nose. I pray it doesn't escalate into something more. He's been through enough!

Tomorrow we go in for ANOTHER re-check and maybe more antibiotics. She'll also be able to tell me what the final results of the RSV test were and also the blood, urine, and spinal cultures.

So, pray for the best. I'm feeling much better today, seeing that Knox is actually more on the normal side. But still a little anxious in case there is more coming.

Love to y'all,
Tracy