Sievers Stories...: Hand, Belly, Heart

We have now endured our second Christmas without Nash. Just like last year, it was such a day of mixed emotions... We were so thankful to be spending it with Tate. He lights up our world each and every day and seeing the Christmas magic through the eyes of a three year old little boy is truly a beautiful thing. I always say, he makes me laugh when I feel like crying and there was no exception to this this year. While our hearts are bulging with love for Tate, the gaping hole that's there for Nash is undeniable. It leaves us with so many unanswered questions: What would he have wanted for Christmas? Would he, like Tate, have begged to listen to Christmas music every time we got into the car? What would it be like to entertain both of the boys while trying our best to listen to the priest at Mass on Christmas Eve? I wish more than anything that I knew the answers...

Stockings... Brad, Tate, McCarney, Nash, me

Church was emotional for me, like always. Every year, our priest does a beautiful rendition of "Silent Night" on his harmonica as his "gift" to us, and then we all join in to sing after one verse. This song gets me every single time. The words mean more to me than I can express, and I can barely choke them out through my tears. I just did my best to picture my sweet baby, in the arms of Jesus, being sung to by choirs of angels. His face lit up and happy in the presence of God and all of our family that join him in heaven... "Sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace."

Nash's Stocking

At the end of Mass, I stood there wishing there was some way that I could have all my babies with me at that moment. And then it hit me... I did. Tate was right there - standing next to me, his little chubby hand wrapped around my fingers. The new baby was right there - nestled warm and safe in my belly. And Nash was right there too - deep inside my heart; with every beat, he's with me. I am so blessed.

Love to y'all,

Tracy