Matters of the Heart

Today was the day I've been both looking forward to and dreading at the same time. This afternoon we had our fetal echocardiogram appointment with Dr. Tracy Laird at Pediatric Heart Specialists at Medical City Hospital in Dallas.

To spare you the unnecessary suspense I'll cut to chase: the baby's heart looks good and totally normal at this point. It's healthy, it's developing correctly, and it's working strong and steadily. Thank you, God!!!

The possibility of hearing bad news today was on my mind all weekend, no matter how hard I tried to push it away. And truly, I think normally I do fairly well trying not to worry myself silly. I literally pray, "God, please take my worries. Please take my fears. They are too much for me to carry." But each time one of these big appointments come closer, I can feel the dread and fear building inside of me. This time was no different.

The cardiologist spent a good forty-five minutes looking at, taking pictures of, and watching our baby's little heart. Brad and I just sat there, holding our breath, waiting for some kind of sign as to what the future of our little one would be. Then, the doctor clicked off the echo machine and faced us. I'm sure she could hear my heart pounding in my chest. And then she said with a smile, "The baby's heart looks good." There was nothing more that I needed than that.

She went on to explain that there is a very small calcium deposit on the heart, which is extremely common and they usually end up being reabsorbed into the body at some point. She said it was NOTHING to worry about - in fact, two of her four children had the same thing. Because Nash's condition seemed to develop sometime early on in his life, we decided that in the first few months after the new baby is born, we will go in and have another check just to be sure everything is still okay. Some of the arteries and other structures are still too tiny to be thoroughly examined at this point. So in the spring we'll go ahead and bring the baby in to be checked again.

All day, my emotions were going crazy. I about lost it at lunch with Brad. Then I had a breakdown in my car moments before going into the office. I brought Nash's medical records with me in case the doctor needed them. And I began paging through them, as I sat there, waiting for Brad to get to the hospital. My thoughts just kept going to Nash and his little bitty heart, trying so desperately to keep going that horrible day. I just kept thinking back, wishing I were with him. In the medical records from the emergency room, it was written that about twenty minutes before he arrested, he looked around the room and squeezed an RN's finger...I wish so badly it would've been mine.

Needless to say, I am exhausted. But even more than that, I am completely grateful for the news we received this afternoon. So many of you knew about today's appointment and were right there praying for us every step of the way. Thank you, thank you. Please continue to think of our little one and pray that his/her heart continues to grow perfect and healthy.

Love to y'all,
Tracy