How Long is a Lifetime?

My Dear Nash...
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. Your dimply knees, your sweet scent, the sound of your coos through the monitor. Everything. I miss everything. I often wonder if you can hear me when I talk to you; or if you can see me as I blow you good night kisses. Do you watch your big brother as he plays outside? Do you see Daddy and I linger over your pictures as we walk by? Sweet boy, please know how much we adore you. Although we hurt from the pain of you not being here with us, we are comforted by the love and joy that you brought into our lives. We are so thankful to be your parents. I am so blessed to be your mommy. I love you, Nash. Today, tomorrow, and always.
Love,
Mommy

January 15, 2008 2:13pm - July 1, 2008 5:37pm

Five months, sixteen days, three hours, and twenty-four minutes...

Today is a day I have been dreading for a long time now. In less than two hours, at 9:02pm tonight, Nash will have been in heaven longer than he was here on Earth. I just cannot believe this day has come.

So how long is a lifetime? I think it depends how you look at it... On my most difficult days, I have trouble getting past all the things I feel that Nash missed out on. To us on Earth, life appears to revolve around all that we accomplish...learning to walk or talk or play baseball or go to school or fall in love or have children or become a grandparent. My heart breaks when I think of all the things Nash didn't get to do.

But then I have to take a step back and regroup. Because I know in my heart of hearts that life is so much more than that. I'm definitely not an expert on this. But I do know a couple of things for sure. In Nash's case, his lifetime was long enough to make a mommy and a daddy fall completely in love with a little boy. It was long enough for two brothers to have a bond that will last forever. It was long enough to make memories. It was long enough to learn the innocence and purity of children. It was long enough for a five month old child to have an effect on people that never had the opportunity to meet him. And it was long enough to prove that God is good and performs miracles each and everyday.

So when I look at it like this, I can't help but smile because I know that my son had a full life. Would I have liked to share more of life's adventures with him? Of course! But it gives me peace to think of him as being in the place that we all yearn to be someday. He is experiencing more joy and beauty and wonder than any of us could possibly imagine.

Thank you to all who keep us in your prayers and please keep them coming. I feel like now that this day has arrived, we are at the start of a new leg of this journey and I'm not sure what to expect.

Love and blessings to y'all,
Tracy