June 25, 2008

It seemed like a normal day.  I got home from one of my last days of grad school; my last big project under my belt.  Feeling great that now I could devote the rest of my summer to my two little boys.  I remember my mom snapping some pictures of us before she left our house that afternoon.  

This is the last picture I have of Nash and me.  I can't believe that only six short days later, he would be gone.  Every time I see him in this picture, I can't help the irony of the onesie that he's wearing... Heartbreaker.  Literally.  Little did I know when this picture was taken that my heart was about to be broken into millions and billions of pieces.  Heartbreaker.

We leave for Iowa tomorrow.  Ready to celebrate the short, yet meaningful life of a very special little boy.  Please pray for our family as we come up on the five year anniversary of missing Nash.  Five years.  Heartbreaking.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Summer, Summer, Summertime!

The kids and I have been home for our first week of summer vacation... I don't know that it's really "vacation" per se, but it is definitely summer.  We've been running around, trying to keep busy, without roasting in the Texas sun. Here's what we've been up to lately...

 A little "pre-summer" slip'n'slide action.

 Tate lost his first (and second tooth) right before school got out.

 

 Remodeling the boys' bathroom... major demolition.

View from Knox's room.

View from Tate's room.

 My little "worker man."

 

 Playing a little ball.

 Watching big brother.

 Ready to bat.

Sweet baby girl.

I'm so blessed to have a job that I love, with people that I love AND get to be home for two and half months each summer.  The best of both worlds, for sure.  Wishing you all a fun-filled, memory-making, happy summer!

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Play Ball!

I know I've been terrible about writing lately... I'm hoping this summer I'll get back to doing it more regularly. But I just wanted to post some pictures of Tate from last week. One of the moms on his baseball team got some amazing shots.

 Batter Up!

 Nice form, huh?

 Sliding in safe under the tag!

 Safe at second.

LOVE THIS PIC!!!

Tate is having the best time on his team.  It truly is a great group of little boys that just love playing baseball.  Between league and tournaments, they've played in probably 40 games so far this season and are still having fun together.  It is a such a blessing watching my little boy do something he loves so very much. 

Love to y'all,
Tracy

A Week of Surprises

Sunday morning I woke up to a text message saying the my friend, Vi, and I needed to be in Austin for the Senate Committee Meeting that was being held on Tuesday.  We needed to be there to testify again in support of HB 740, newborn screenings for congenital heart defects.  I spent the day getting things together, packing, and finalizing plans so that I could leave from school on Monday afternoon. 

Vi and I drove to Austin Monday evening, had a great dinner, and even better conversation.  We woke up early Tuesday and headed to the Capitol.  We had heard that the Senate does things a little differently than the House, so we wouldn't know when our Bill would be discussed.  We were supposed to just be ready to go at any moment, knowing that we may be there all day.  The meeting began promptly at 9:00, and, surprisingly, we were the first Bill up.  Vi and I took turns telling our stories and sharing our children with the Senate Committee.  They were very receptive and when all the witnesses were finished, the Chairwoman announced that they were ready to vote on the Bill.  This is NOT what we were expecting because usually the Committee discusses and debates it at a later date and then decides whether or not to pass it through to the next step.  Moments after we spoke, each Senator's name was called and they each said, "Aye."  The Bill passed. 

We were told the next step is for the entire Senate to hear the Bill.  But, because both the House and the Senate Committee voted it through without any opposition, this step is merely a formality and it will pass without any discussion.  After that, Governor Rick Perry has a couple weeks to veto the Bill (which he won't - for the same reason as I just stated).  Then, he will officially sign it into law later this summer.  Annnnnddddd... we were invited to come back with our husbands to be there for the Bill Signing.  Amazing.

It was such an exciting day.  But yesterday the week got even better... We found out that the Bill is going to be renamed... It will be known as the Rex Van de Putte, Taryn Kennedy, and Nash Sievers Act.  Wow.  Never did I expect this.  Nash will live on, saving the lives of babies every single day.  I'm so blessed to be his mommy.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Recap

Our fifth March For Babies has come and gone.  We were so blessed to have a weekend full of family, friends, fun, and time to remember Nash.  We spent one day at the Perot Museum in Dallas, went to the Ranger's game, did the walk, and had a wonderful evening at our friends, Mandi and Kort's house.  In all, we raised $9596 for the March of Dimes and we are so, so proud.  I try to convey how much the donations mean to our family in the thank you emails I write, but it's so difficult to put into words.  It's unbelieveable to think how many families reached into their pockets to help us out, and in turn are helping to save the lives of babies.  Amazing.

 Cousins!

Fun at the museum.

Team Heart's Content

Miss Brady

Sievers Family

Miller Family (Brad's sister)... who came all the way from Connecticut!!!

 

This past weekend was spent in Lewisville at a baseball tournament for Tater.  His 6U team plays "up" against the 7U teams and ended up getting second place in their bracket - which is pretty stinkin' great!  We were so proud of our little boys - especially their seven-run rally in the last inning of the semis to take us to extra innings (where we won!).  They played so, so hard - 2 games on Saturday and 3 on Sunday - and didn't get done until after 9:00pm.  No doubt they were exhausted on Monday... I was!

 

Poor Knox and Brady got toted around to all the games and were quite the little fans, cheering on Tate and his teammates... they've kind of turned into little mascots.

 

On our way to the tourney...he must have picked that up from his dad.

Dirty, dirty boy.

Taking a break between games at the mall.

Poor buddy... fell and got a BIG bump on his head.

This face says it all.

Job well done, Eagles!!!

 

 

Love to y'all,
Tracy

But

Today at school, all the parents of next year's Kindergartners are coming to sign their kids up for next year.  I should be joining them.  I should be a part of it.  I should have a little boy, eager to become a Brinker Bear like his big brother. 

But I don't. 

My heart is heavy today.  I keep glancing at Nash's picture, trying to imagine him as a five year old.  He'd be so big...  I'm sure Tate would be telling him all about what to expect next year... the teachers' names, how lunch works, what they do at recess.  And Nash would be soaking it all in, waiting for August to roll around. 

But he isn't.

I don't like days like today.  They sneak up on me and pull at me; leaving me drained and sad.  So, so sad.  Most days are better than this.  I wish I could skip over them or at least press a fast forward button.  Anything to move to another day.

But I can't.

I'm jealous of all the moms in our foyer today.  Filling out the paperwork, handing in the immunization forms, asking the questions.  I got to be that mom last year and I should get to be that mom again this year.  Two years in a row.  I remember when Nash was born, I thought about what it would be like for my boys to go to school together only one year apart.  I was so excited for all they would experience together.  I even figured out that Tate would have Nash at his same school for nine of the thirteen years. That's going to be so fun, I thought.

But it won't.

I miss my son every minute of every day.  Every ounce of me is incomplete all the time. 

But... somedays are so much harder. 

Love to y'all,
Tracy

This is My Life.

As I wrote in my last post, things seem pretty crazy around here lately.  Every night, I find myself worn out and feeling like I didn't even come close to accomplishing what I had set out to when I got up that morning.  I tell myself, "Tomorrow, I'll do the things I didn't get to today.  I'll start fresh."  And then the next day comes, and I find myself having the same internal conversation because, low and behold, the day got away from me again.  Everyday seems crazier than the previous one. 

But as of today, I think I'm going to STOP trying to get through the crazy parts (because every part is crazy) and just tell myself, "This is my life."  And dang it, it's a pretty good one.  I may not accomplish all my tasks off my to do list; I may not feel like everyone's needs are met every second; and I may not always keep it together.  But maybe instead of trying to change all those things, it'd be more beneficial to just accept them.  I live in a house with three kids under six.  I work.  I "wife."  I mother.  I, like most moms, stretch myself pretty thin sometimes.  So maybe instead of feeling down and out at the things that don't happen in a day, I should just change my attitude and be thankful for all the things that do. 

Here's a glimpse into my Monday evening... I'm sure you all can relate...

Pull in the drive way, three kids in the car.
Garbage day tomorrow - Pile it up super far.
Tell boys to get out and Brady starts to cry,
My arms are full already - Boys want to play outside.
Get them through the gate - Drop my stuff on the floor
Brady hears the boys - She's out the dog door!

Now what was I cooking?  Check Pinterest to see.
Oh, yeah, Taco Egg Rolls -a new recipe!
Door banging open - Knox comes in with "grace."
Sheds his shoes and his pants - a little dirt on his face.
Start browning meat; phone rings - "Hello?"
March of Dimes update... Now where did Tate go?
Find him outside.  Has baseball tonight.
Run up for his clothes.  Still holding phone tight.

Door bangs again.  Here's Tate and the dog.
Mud on them both - two shoes, four paws.
Brady is whining - I hand her a Ritz.
Hides from the dog, then throws it - gives in.
Meat is now brown - where to go from here?
Recipe's on phone, which is still on my ear.

Find some dirt on the couch and also the floor.
From a knocked over plant - What's a little mess more?
Grab dirt devil - Leave it next to the pile.
I'm still on the phone - may be there awhile.
Throw Tate his clothes - hey, what is that noise?
Brady's in pantry - throwing food like they're toys.

Brad's home - "Clean that dirt?" I point.  Take a look.
Knox needs dinner - oh shoot. Gotta cook.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  Bon Appetit!
Grab Tate his hat and we throw on his cleats.
Yelling baby - "Here's some fruit.  Quiet, please."
Put her in her booster, now she's yelling for cheese!
Whisper good-bye as big boys go to play.
Brady wants out.  "Shoot. Forgot Gatorade!"

Hang up the phone.  Now to finish the food.
Knox yelling at Brady for stealing his spoon.
Peek at the table, she's sitting on top.
Some spilt milk on her toes, a lego in her mouth.
Dinner is over.  Clean the milk.  Knox wants toast.
Not up for this battle - So I go grab the loaf.

More crying - One's hungry, one's bothering her brother.
Grab Brady to hold... "What I am, a mother?!"
Need crockpot - For tomorrow, our menu is soup.
One-handedly dump stuff in a gross mound of goop.
Crockpot in fridge - now make lunch for Tate.
Find some forks and some knives - Grab Brady a plate.

She's back in the booster - for round two, not round one.
Wipe down the kitchen - The egg rolls are done!
Cut them to cool - Make some salsa for dipping.
She tries it AND likes them! Get her water for sipping.
Sit down for a bite - Wrap the leftovers up.
Finish making Tate's lunch - Now Knox needs his cup.
Brady is finished.  Clean table and girl.
Grab her and Knox - Up the stairs in a whirl.

Start tub while Knox strips - Brady runs from the room.
Chase her down, put her in.  And finally...PHEW!
Wash and scrub - And time to play.
I sit back to see foot that's been hurting all day.
One ant bite from Easter - Getting big, getting red.
Take some pics, text mom.  "Should I be worried?"  Press send.

Stand up to get littles - Water looks funny.
Brady pooped in the tub!  And it's totally runny!!!
Make kids stand up, drain tub. - This is totally gross.
Grab handfuls with toilet paper.  To the toilet they go.
The rest is too mushy and spread all around.
Shower head is spraying the poop on the ground.
Down the drain.  409 time.  And that's how it goes.
On the tub, on the toys, and on all twenty toes.
Repeat and repeat and repeat once again.
Fill the tub with more water.  Take two, my sweet friends!

Look back at phone.  Mom's on her way.
Head to Care Now - And she stays to play.
One hour, two hours. It's already nine.
Two shots and two meds.   My foot feels fine.
Pharmacy's closed. Try another they said.
Go home to wait.  Brad has kids put to bed.

Check on Knox.  He's awake.  Tuck him in.  Say good night.
Check on Tate - he's up too! Blankie missing - not in sight.
Search around and I find it.  Tate's happy as can be.
Check on "Poopy Princess" - who's actually asleep!
Head downstairs for a chat.  Knox is yelling once more.
Go back up.  Take him potty.  And again, close the door.

Pharmacy again to pick up my pills. 
Home again now, after all of my thrills.
Ready for bed, kiss to Brad from his wife.
Thank you, dear God, for these loves of my life.

Once you're a mom, this is kind of what your life looks like day in and day out.  It's always something.  So instead of trying to push through to get to the next day, I've decided it's time for me to just bask in the craziness.  After all, it's just another day at the Sievers's house.

Love to y'all,
Tracy