Unexpected

Today at school, I was using a computer program to create something that told about my family.  Naturally, I listed my boys' names... Tate, Nash, Knox.  Then I was inserting videos or pictures of them.  I didn't have any pics of Nash saved on my school computer, so I "googled" his name, thinking I would know what I'd see... his obituary or program from his funeral.  But I also knew there would be a great picture of him as well.  So I prepared myself and started typing.  The list that came up was what I had anticipated plus one more thing that I hadn't...

A blog post from the pastor that did Nash's funeral.  It was the exact sermon that he preached to us on July 5, 2008 - the day we said our final goodbyes and laid my baby boy to rest. 

I found myself reading and rereading it over and over again... I remembered some of it so very clearly and other parts I felt as if I'd never even heard.  By the end of it, tears were streaming down my face, as I was suddenly back to the searing pain of that day.

One portion of the sermon really stood out to me.  Reading it again now makes me well up.  But it also gives me great hope and so much faith that Nash is where he is supposed to be...

"Just as Jesus rebuked his disciples, saying, 'Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them...,' so He said to you, Tracy and Brad, on July 1st, 'Let lettle Nash come to me and do not hinder him.  I have prepared a playroom for him in heaven.  I have died and risen again for Nash, it is time for him to receive his crown of glory.  The time is right.  The time is perfect.'

Today, Nash Adam Sievers is crawling all over heaven.  He is playing patty cake with angels.  Nash is being cuddled by his great grandmas.  Today he plays peek-a-boo with his great grandpas.  The heavenly chorus is singing him lullabies.  There is no tear in his eyes but only smiles and laughter... forever.  Just as the Lord Jesus would take up the little children into his arms and cradle them, so Nash is being held by His Savior and tenderly caressed by the Savior who died for him... the Savior who bore the name "Nash Adam Sievers" inscribed upon His hands right near the place where the nails were driven in."

Wow.  So beautiful.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Questions From a Big Brother

I've known that Tate would be affected by Nash's death differently as time went on.  Although he couldn't articulate it, he grieved for his baby brother in the first weeks following his death.  It was in July 2008 that Tate became suddenly attached to his green blankie... the one he still carries around over two years later. 

Over the years, Tate talks about Nash a lot.  He knows he's in heaven.  He knows he's with God and Jesus.  He has asked when we'll get to see him again.  I know he doesn't understand all of this quite yet... I mean, do any of us, really?  So I've always given him the best answers that I could come up with.

Last night, as I was tucking him into bed, we were saying prayers.  We always thank God for taking care of Nash in heaven.  It was at this point that Tate began asking me questions.  "But where is heaven?"  "How far is it?" And the list continued.  He then asked me why some people have to go to heaven.  So I said, "People go to heaven when they die."  And then came the question that is so innocent and so simple, but hurt so much to hear him ask... "Did Nash die?" 

As much as we've talked about Nash and where he is, I don't know if I've ever said those words to him.  "Nash died."  Just typing them seems strange and uncomfortable.  It was so difficult for me to answer him.  He asked me how he died and I told him it was because his heart didn't work the way it was supposed to.   He seemed to understand this as best he could. 

As we talked, Tate got a little teary-eyed, saying he missed Nash.  So I just reassured him that someday we'd all be with him again in heaven.  But instead of comforting him, these words made him get more emotional because he said he "wanted to stay here at our house." 

It's just such a hard thing to explain to a four year old.  Most kids his age just accept heaven as a place where God is and leave it as that.  But Tate has true questions about it... the same ones that we all do.  And unfortunately, all  I can do is try my best to explain something that I don't even quite understand. 

I know Tate will continue to question his brother's death.  His grief may deepen before he actually begins to heal.  I just pray that I can help him along in his journey by both comforting him and honoring his baby brother.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Switch-Hitting and Fried Grilled Cheese

We started off our weekend going to Tate's T-ball game on Saturday morning.  Like many of you know, Tate has loved baseball since he came out of the womb.  I'm sure I'm a little biased... But I happen to think he's pretty talented for a four year old.  He's been hitting overhand pitches since he was two and is now at the point where he not only hits the balls over our fence, but over the driveway and into the neighbors fences as well.  It's pretty impressive if you ask me.  Anyway, he's always been left-handed when he bats, but since we've had do revert back to the tee for his games, we've been practicing a little on that too. 

Tate has now figured out how to hit right handed as well.  He can hit off his tee no problem and is also able to hit overhand pitches this way too. 

So yesterday as the game was winding down, his coach reminded him it was his last at-bat and told him to hit a good one.  Tate said to him, "I'm gonna hit it right handed. I know how to do this."  He then proceeded to line drive it straight through the infield into center field.  What a little ball player.  I couldn't be prouder of him.

Check out this video...

Today, we headed to the Texas State Fair to walk around and of course try as much fried food as is humanly possible.  Between us, we split homemade potato chips, a footlong hotdog, fried Twinkies, fried cheese on a stick, funnel cake, and fried grilled cheese sandwiches.  Mmmmmmmm..... 

Tate loved trying out all the cars in the Auto Show.

Sweet Brothers.

A long day of walking, fresh air, and fried food makes you VERY sleepy...

Love to y'all,
Tracy


Funny Fish

Tate always comes home from school singing a song they learned that day.  Yesterday evening, he let me record him singing "Funny Fish" - a song all about words that begin with the letter F.  So sweet I had to share...

Love to y'all,

Tracy

Mommy and Me Weekend

Brad went on a "boy's trip" this weekend to Galveston to go fishing.  He left on Thursday afternoon and gets back later tonight.  So Tate, Knox, and I had a weekend just the three of us. 

First off, I have to give soooo much credit to all the women that are single moms every day of the year... what a tough job!  I am EXHAUSTED to say the least and can't wait for Brad to get home.   I feel like he's been gone forever and has missed so much.

Knox's first tooth popped through Friday night.  It's barely there, but I can feel it poking through his gum... which is why he's had two terrible nights in a row.  I can't even count how many times I've trudged up and down our stairs in the last forty-eight hours. 

Tate had his second BLASTball game yesterday and did so well!!!  He hit great and was all over the field diving for groundballs.  He was a complete mess when we got home, but he was thrilled because he was awarded the "game ball" for his hustle during the game.  I couldn't have been prouder of him.

Of course I adore Tate and Knox, but I have to admit, I'm ready for a little help around here.  I'm predicting I'll be in bed before nine tonight.  Ahhhhh.... sleep.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Swinging in the Rain

Every evening after dinner, Tate begs us to go outside to hit some baseballs.  Tonight was no different.  As we were clearing off the table, he was on his way to find his flipflops and batting helmet and was heading out the backdoor.  I warned him that it was getting a little dark and windy outside, but he didn't seem to mind.

After all, a little rain doesn't bother a real ballplayer, now does it?
Click here to watch a little video...

After all that excitement, Brad and the boys went in the garage to watch the rain.
Check out Tate in the rain...

Love to y'all,
Tracy

BLASTball!

I think today is a day that Brad has been waiting for since the moment in the hosipital when it was announced, "It's a boy!"  Tate had his very first T-ball game this morning! 

Their team is called, what else?  The Texas Rangers.  And there are only three other teams in the league.  Brad and two of his friends are the coaches and two of Tate's best buddies are on the team as well.  They call it BLASTball, but it's basically T-ball with a couple minor modifications to make it easier for four year olds.

Tate has been soooooo excited since Thursday when he brought home his "uniform" (T-shirt and hat).  He is convinced the front says "Texas Rangers" (its says BLASTball) and is thrilled he gets to be number 5, just like his daddy.  So Thursday night, he put on his shirt after his bath and wore it to bed and then kept it on for school yesterday.  I know, I know... We pick our battles around here, okay?  Anyway, my mom convinced him to let her wash it last night so he could wear it again today. 

So how'd it go?  Basically, he didn't want to field anything.  Just stood there looking cute.  When it was time for him to hit, he'd run out to the batter's box and swing like a little left-handed champ!  He knew exactly how to drop the bat and run to first base.  But he had trouble getting himself to run to second after the next kid hit the ball.  He'd act all shy and not want to run.  By the last inning, he finally got the guts up to run the bases, with a little coaxing from me. 

Overall, all the kids did a great job!  It was just so sweet to watch them out their playing like the big boys.  I couldn't be a prouder mama. 

Love to y'all,

Tracy

One more thing... after the game, I found Tate walking towards the other team while everyone was packing up.  I asked him what he was doing.  He said he was going over "to tell the green team they didn't win."  Guess we're gonna have to do a little bit more teaching on the subject of sportsmanship... Oops.

Breakfast of Champions...

GO RANGERS!!!