I'm not sure if y'all have heard the name Ben Breedlove lately. He's been all over the news here in Dallas. In short, Ben was an 18 year old kid from Texas who died on Christmas Day after dealing his entire life with a very serious heart condition. He posted a Youtube video a week before he died that has gone completely viral. If you haven't seen it yet, please CLICK THIS LINK and see it for yourself before you read any further.
I watched the video for the first time yesterday, and of course, it brought tears to my eyes. Not only because this vibrant and handsome young man is now gone from this earth. Not only because I know the grief his mother is facing. And not only because I saw my own son in him. But I cried tears of joy. Because Ben Breedlove may have answered my most lingering question from the day that Nash died.
I've never been able to understand why Nash left this earth before I was able to say good-bye. I thought that he must have been wondering where I was and why all those bad things were happening to him, while he was lying in that hospital emergency room. I've always wished he would've "waited" for me before he left. I picture him wanting me and I'm not there for him...
But maybe I've been wrong all this time. In his video, Ben was very clear. When he was "cheating death" for the third time, he said he was in a place that he "didn't want to leave." So, maybe Nash wanted to go. Maybe he saw the same light and felt the same peace that Ben did. Maybe he didn't want to wait for me to get there. Maybe all this time, I thought Nash needed me in his last moments, but maybe all he needed was peace. Maybe on July 1st, 2008, I wasn't next to my son when he took his last breaths, but maybe I didn't need to be. Because God was. And after five and a half months of hurting, he finally had the peace he was yearning for. Just like Ben...
I can't stop thinking about both Ben and Nash today. I wish I could thank Ben for his words. I feel a sense of peace that I haven't felt since Nash died. Thank you, thank you, thank you Ben Breedlove.
Love to y'all,
Tracy
2 comments:
You don't know me, but I've followed your blog for a while. I'm so glad that Ben Breedlove gave you some peace with his videos. What a blessing. If you haven't read the book Heaven is For Real, you really should. They even have a children's version of it now. It's a great book!
I, too, was very moved by that video. Speechless, so beautiful, just amazing. Big hug, Tracy!!
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