The Grass Isn't Always Greener

Of course, I think of Nash countless times every single day.  Most of the time, it's memories and what ifs.  When we found out what was wrong with Nash, we were told many times that the only option we would have had to save him would have been a heart transplant, and that this wouldn't have necessarily had a positive outcome.  Sometimes I let myself imagine what would have happened if we had gone down that road.  This week is one of those times.
 
A couple days ago, I found out that a little boy that went to school where I teach, passed away after a receiving a heart transplant back when he was a baby.  He had gone through many, many battles over the years and eventually his little heart just couldn't keep going.  I remember meeting him last year, and wondering how his journey may have mirrored the one that our family never got a chance to embark on. 
 
On most days, I get a get a great amount of peace, knowing that Nash was happy for all five months of his life.  He played and giggled and smiled nonstop, bringing nothing but joy to all who knew him.  We are blessed by these memories. 
 
But what if things had been different? 
 
We've been told that had we known about Nash's heart defect, he would've been admitted to a Pediatric ICU immediately and then we would have waited for a healthy heart to be ready for his little body.  We would've sat at his side day and night, waiting for another parent to have to say good-bye to their baby so that our baby might be able to live.  I can't imagine... The agony of all of that.  The stress, the worry, the fear.  Our lives would have been so very different. 
 
When it comes down to it, of course, I would have done everything and anything to save my son.  No matter how hard it might have been.  I would have endured every possible stress, worry, or fear just to keep him here even one more day.  But, because we had virtually no warnings that Nash was ill, I truly believe that he saved us from a lot of pain and heartache. 
 
Please say a prayer for my school's former Brinker Bear that is now living healthy and strong alongside my little boy in heaven.  I know all too well the journey his parents have begun - and it's tough and rocky and neverending to say the least. 

Love to y'all,
Tracy