A Shooting Star

Last night I had a dream that I saw a shooting star in the night sky and I wished for some kind of sign that would show me that Nash was near me... that he can hear me when I talk to him... that I can feel his presence around me. Just something to reassure me on my worst days that he's right here with me.

Driving home from work this afternoon, I received a text from my friend Shawnee, saying that her kindergarten little boy, Brayden, had a friend in his class who was involved in a tragic car accident on Friday evening. The little girl, her brother, and their mom died in the accident. Shawnee said that at Brayden's school today, they released balloons in honor of this family that was taken much too soon. She explained that Brayden told her he wanted his little friend to meet Nash in heaven and to share the balloons with him...

Shawnee wanted me to know that Nash was thought about today amidst the sorrow that was being felt for this poor family. She made sure to tell me that Nash was on people's minds as well. I am so thankful for this.

So of course, I was bawling on my way home from school... Thinking about the ultimate struggle the husband in this family must be going through and will continue to go through everyday of his life. Thinking about my own little boy and the loss and heartbreak I feel with every breath I take... Thinking about how thankful I am for good friends who keep Nash in their hearts.

As I pulled into the garage, I began texting Shawnee back, and at that exact moment, the song "One More Day" began playing on the radio. For anyone who doesn't know the song, click here to listen to it. Since Nash died, it has been the one song that gets me every time. What I wouldn't give for just one more day...

I often look for "signs" that God can hear my silent pleas. In my support group, people always talk about things that happen to them that make them feel that their children are around them. I've had a few of these instances happen for me, but they don't happen all that much. I find myself jealous of members of my group when they have so many examples of them. But I'm starting to think that maybe when they happen to me, they happen in a BIG way. An obvious way. A way that makes me step back and say, "Okay, Baby Nash, I know you're there."

And now, I have to add this as a cherry on top... I was just about to sign this blog, when Brad came upstairs holding a box that was sitting outside our front door. It was addressed to "Tate and Nash Sievers" at our old address. No joke. We opened it to find two Ralph Lauren shirts - one for Tate and one for Knox - which are undoubtedly from my dad because they're pink! I'm assuming he already had an account set up from years ago and that's why the names and address were wrong. But either way, to see Nash's name on something put a smile on my face.

So between the touching text message about a five year old little boy wanting his friend to find Nash in heaven, a song on the radio, and a package with his name on it, I feel Nash tonight. He's right here. He's always right here. It's not in the exact way I want him to be. But I know in my heart that he's never far. God wouldn't let that happen.

I guess wishes made on shooting stars really do come true.

Love to y'all,
Tracy