As I'm sure you know, last weekend we did our SEVENTH March For Babies in honor and memory of YOU. While most of the time I get much satisfaction working with March of Dimes to help other people's babies, this time of year is always very bittersweet for me. I'm super proud of the legacy you have left behind - tiny, little YOU making such a difference to so many babies. And I know that I'm blessed that we have an abundance of love, support, and encouragement as we ask people to celebrate and remember you every spring.
But, then again, it's this walk that always seems to tightly pull at my heart as it gets closer. As happy as I am to participate, I'm also devastated that I have a reason to. It's on these days that the "why me's" and the "it's not fairs" repeat in my brain over and over again. The questions are endless... Why can't I be the one supporting a friend along this journey instead of the other way around? Why is this the path I have to be on? Why can't my family be the "normal" one - where true family pictures DON'T revolve around yellow balloons and gravestones? Why is this the story I must tell? Why is MY son the reason OTHER babies can now be born healthy? Why do we have to save other people's babies? Why didn't anyone save mine?
So, Nash, as I walked on Satuday, I was grateful to be surrounded by loving, prayerful, strong people that have been there to lift me up in times like these But, to be honest, my heart just ached with every step that day. It was a day that I just wished I had you back.
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I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
Loving you forever,
Mommy
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