Jujyfruits

I hate Jujyfruits.

Seven years ago I loved them.  You know 'em... The impossible-to-chew candies that refuse to come out of your teeth.  Heck, I even ate the black ones.  One box could easily last an entire two hour date night at the movies.

Seven years ago today, I ate my very last Jujyfruit.  I remember exactly where I was and who I was with... Sitting in my last week of masters classes, finishing up listening to my peers' final presentations.  I'd already completed my project, and I remember feeling so satisfied and content as I sat chatting with friends and celebrating our upcoming graduation. 

Less than 24 hours after that class, my life was turned upside down, as I rushed to get to my baby as his undiagnosed heart defect suddenly began taking its toll on his little body.

Seven years seems like a really long time to go without eating one of your favorite candies.  And yet, for some reason I just can't do it.  I feel like if I ate one, I'd foolishly hope to turn back into the person I was on June 30, 2008... The old me.  The naïve mom.  The one that was thankful she had her happy little family and felt so sad for others that didn't.  The one that couldn't imagine how anyone could go on after burying a child.

This is the first year since Nash died that my family won't be in Iowa on July 1st.  We have to be there for a wedding in early August and just couldn't figure out a way to make it work with the two dates so close together.   I've been pushing away the guilty feelings that come with this, but I'm afraid they're starting to creep up on me now that the day is only hours away. 

As most of you know, my boys were visiting Brad's parents in Iowa when Nash became sick.  Despite every effort, I didn't make it to him before he died.  From that day on, I promised him that I'd be at his grave in Iowa every year on July 1st at exactly 5:37pm.  And I've made good on that promise for six straight years.  But this year, I'm breaking it.  And honestly, I'm sick over it.  Logically, I know that we just couldn't make it work this year.  But as a mother, I know I'm letting him down.  And I'm so, so sorry for that.

Seven years doesn't heal any of the grief deep within my heart.  I've learned to cope; to find new ways to bring joy to my life.  I'm proud of what I've accomplished and even helped others in the process... But the reality is that my grief is still raw and still painful and so, so incredibly real. 

Friends... I need something from you tonight.  Prayers.  Please, lots of prayers.  Please pray that Nash forgives me for not being in Iowa "with" him tomorrow.  Please pray for the day to go by quickly.  And please pray that despite the distance between us, our hearts will feel as close as they did back when I still loved Jujyfruits.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

 

 



Dear Class of 2022

To the Class of 2022...

You thought you'd gotten rid of me, didn't you?  Well, not so fast, my friends.

So here's the thing... As happy as I am to begin my summer of no alarm clocks, plenty of pool days, and flip flop tanlines, I'm also so, so sad.

As you know, this was my 13th school year at Brinker, but my very first as a fifth grade teacher.  And as excited as I was for this next chapter and new challenge, I was pretty nervous too.  Nervous that I'd know enough to teach ten and eleven year olds.  Nervous that y'all would like me.  Nervous that I was getting in way over my head.

And then I met you.

Since our very first day together last August, you each have woven your way into my heart.  You've shown me love despite all my shortcomings - and y'all know I have a lot!  You've respected my wishes even when you may not have agreed with them.  You've laughed at my jokes even when they were corny.  You listened (most of the time!) as we trudged through curriculum - from figurative language to inferencing; from ecosystems to energy (who could forget the "baking powder incident" all over my black clothes?!); and from the Civil War to the Great Depression.  You put up with my love of country music when you would've much rather be listening to Maroon 5 or Ed Sheeran.  For all of this and so much more, I'm grateful to each of you.

I promise you... I will NEVER forget my first year as a fifth grade teacher.  And that's mostly because of each of you.  You are a unique group of kids that surpassed every expectation I had.  Whatever it is you brought to our class, I want you to know I noticed and I loved you for it.  Y'all are empathetic - your compassion for our special friends gives me goosebumps; you're intelligent - have you seen those STAAR results?!; you're mischievious - gum chewers, cell phone users, notepassers; you're passionate - about baseball, basketball, lacrosse, reading, dance, and even dogs; you're silly - handholding, the "shimmy," and the list goes on. You've come from all walks of life - literally from across this state, country, and WORLD - and we all ended up here.  Together. 

After 179 days, I know you're probably tired of it, but I'm going to give you just one more bit of advice.  You've heard them all before, but I assure you that if you follow my words, life will take you exactly where you want to go.

Go the extra mile.  Keep your eye on the prize.  If you fall, dust yourself off, and try again.  Treat each other with respect.  Make good choices. Ask for help.  And always, always be true to who YOU are. 

So, my fifth graders, as you move on to bigger and better things, please remember how much of an impact you've had on me.  Thank you all for letting me be just a small part of your journey.  I cannot wait to find out what each of your future holds.  No matter what endeavor you choose, I will be in your corner, cheering you on.

Good luck, my friends, as you begin this next exciting chapter of your lives.  And if you ever need some Brinker love, you know right where to find me.

Love you all,
Mrs. Sievers

Life Lessons From the Diamond

Texas baseball is for real, y'all. 

I knew back when Tate was in kindergarten and began playing on a "select" team, that kids down here can play some ball and play it well.  For the last three years, like our fellow baseball families, we spend at least three to four weekdays at private hitting/pitching coaches, outdoor field practice, indoor batting practice, and league games.  With the exception of some of December and January, this is our life year round.  (Remember, we live in Texas!) And once February rolls around, the boys play tournaments all over the Dallas area about every other weekend till July. 

But he loves it this way, so we love it this way.

Now to some, this may seem overkill.  Some may even worry about burning their kids out at this rate.  And while, of course,  from time to time this thought crosses my mind as my eight year flops into bed at 9:30 on a school night, his genuine love for the game puts my mind at ease immediately. 

Tate's plays on an 8U AAA team full of little boys that love baseball as much as he does.  They currently are playing "up" in a 9UAA league during the week.  9U is the level where the rules of the game change significantly... It goes from coach pitch to kid pitch - with walks, stealing, balks, three outfielders (compared to having four in 8U), and no run rules per inning.  We've been sticking to 8U tourneys, however, decided to play in a huge (46 teams!) 9U tourney this weekend. 

Our team played their hearts out over the past two days, and while they ended up 2-2, they beat some impressive teams through pure determination, grit, and teamwork.  Not bad for their first time playing up in a 9U tourney.  And although none of our boys like to lose, I'm realizing that our kids are learning so much about life from this game they love so much...

• Keep focused - don't let other people's actions or reactions distract you from your goal.
• Cheaters never win.
• Life isn't always fair and sometimes you just have to accept that. 
• Respect everyone - even when you disagree with them.
• Encouragement and support does more than criticism and negativity.
• Surround yourself with others that pick you up when you're down.
• Trying your best doesn't always give you the outcome you're hoping for.

This last one really got me tonight when we got home.  You see, in the last game today, Tate pitched.  Like I said earlier, our boys are just beginning to play kid pitch and they have a lot to learn.  Well today just wasn't Tate's day.  For whatever reason, he was just off and had a really hard time on the mound.  As a mom, I could see him falling apart, as his confidence started to wane.  Eventually, he got pulled and was sent back to short stop, where his body language showed his frustration for the remainder of the game.  And there I was helpless, watching my baby try his best to hold it together when I know he really just wanted to breakdown.

When we got home, Tate and I talked about the game and he voiced how frustrated he was that he "did terrible!" So I asked him if he tried his absolute best while he was pitching.  He said yes.  I told him that no matter the outcome, I'm proud of him as long as he's trying as hard as he can.  I also told him how it's unacceptable to pout about your performance while there's still a game going on.  I told him that once he gets to the car or home, he is more than welcome to vent and express his sadness or anger about his contribution to his team.  But during a game, you try your hardest till the last out.  NO excuses.

After our talk, I continued cooking dinner and I noticed him lingering in the kitchen.  A few minutes later, he hugged me around my waist and said, "Thanks, Mom."  I hugged him back and told him again how proud I was to watch him pitch even though it didn't turn out the way he wanted it to. It was at this point that he couldn't hold it in any longer.  He let loose and just cried and cried and cried.  I just stood there and hugged him tightly, as he said the words that put a lump in my throat, "I was so excited to get my chance to pitch, Mom.  I was waiting the whole tournament for that."  And then he cried some more, as my heart broke for him.  My poor buddy.  It's hard to explain to an eight year old that sometimes our best just isn't good enough.  And when that happens, we have to just be okay with that.  Accept it, move on, and keep trying. 

Tate is only eight years old and doesn't even realize the wisdom that he's acquiring every time he puts on his #18 jersey and those dirty old cleats.  I am so blessed that my son gets to learn these lessons alongside a bunch of other ballplayers just like him.  Boys that are kind-hearted and supportive and funny and eager and hardworking.  I am continually impressed by this team, both on and off the field.  Little do they know that baseball is helping to shape their little minds and hearts into the men they'll eventually become.  And I think that's pretty great...

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Dear Nash

Hi Buddy...

As I'm sure you know, last weekend we did our SEVENTH March For Babies in honor and memory of YOU.  While most of the time I get much satisfaction working with March of Dimes to help other people's babies, this time of year is always very bittersweet for me.  I'm super proud of the legacy you have left behind - tiny, little YOU making such a difference to so many babies. And I know that I'm blessed that we have an abundance of love, support, and encouragement as we ask people to celebrate and remember you every spring.

But, then again, it's this walk that always seems to tightly pull at my heart as it gets closer.  As happy as I am to participate, I'm also devastated that I have a reason to.  It's on these days that the "why me's" and the "it's not fairs" repeat in my brain over and over again.  The questions are endless... Why can't I be the one supporting a friend along this journey instead of the other way around?  Why is this the path I have to be on?  Why can't my family be the "normal" one - where true family pictures DON'T revolve around yellow balloons and gravestones?  Why is this the story I must tell?  Why is MY son the reason OTHER babies can now be born healthy?  Why do we have to save other people's babies?  Why didn't anyone save mine?

So, Nash, as I walked on Satuday, I was grateful to be surrounded by loving, prayerful, strong people that have been there to lift me up in times like these  But, to be honest, my heart just ached with every step that day.  It was a day that I just wished I had you back.

I miss you.  I miss you.  I miss you.  
Loving you forever,
Mommy

On My Mind

As many of y'all know, we're about to walk in the March For Babies for the seventh time.  I've been thinking a lot about how different things are since our first time attending this event back in 2009.  So much has happened, so much has changed.  Lately, I've been thinking about how my mind used to think about losing Nash every second of every day.  And now, almost seven years after he's been gone, it doesn't do that anymore.  Part of me is sad to think that I'm not grieving in the same way that I did at the beginning and then the other part of me is proud for making great strides in this process.  So the other day, I started wondering how often I actually do think of Nash in a day, and I was surprised by what I found...

While blow drying my hair that morning, I automatically glanced at the picture of a two month old Nash in the frame on our bathroom counter - his sweet face, surrounded by bubbles in the baby tub he used to bathe in.  Then, in the car on the way to school, I listened to a country station that is constantly advertising it's night broadcast, called "Nash Nights Live."  Every time I hear those words, they make me smile.  At lunch that afternoon, my friends and I were talking about having new babies and were comparing each of our kids.  I told them about my four kids' temperaments as little ones; Nash's name rolling off my tongue easily.  And the best part?  No one flinched or showed any ounce of uncomfortableness at the sound of his name. After school, I headed to a doctor appointment after school, and had Tate, Knox, and Brady with me.  As the nurse led us to the exam room, she glanced at the kids, and said, "Wow... you got the whole crew with you!"  I just smiled, but what I was thinking was, "No, actually it's not really the 'WHOLE crew.'"  If she only knew...  On the way home, I found myself looking for cars with NSH at the beginning of their license plates, just because when I find them, it makes me feel closer to him.  I didn't see any that day though.  At night, I noticed my mind drifted to Nash quite often, especially while checking on my sleeping kids; seeing their perfect little faces and wondering where a fourth one would fit into the chaos that is our life.  And finally, I ended that night like I do every night... Before closing my eyes, I glanced towards the window, to where I know he's looking down on me, and whispered him an "I love you," just in case he was listening.

So after being conscious about it for one full day, I found that although I may not be in tears every waking moment like I was seven years ago, my mind is always on my baby.  But the difference is that now I can think of him with a smile more often than not.  I know now that the missing him part will never stop and the loving him part will continue to grow whether he's here or not.  And for this, I'm grateful.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Saving Babies

Every spring, I am honored and humbled as my family and friends gather to remember Nash at March of Dimes' annual March For Babies event in Dallas.  It is a bittersweet time of both remembrance and hope as we think of the children that have left us too soon and those that have - and will- be saved because of the hard work of this incredible organization.

And every February I begin my personal campaign to raise money to help the March of Dimes in it's endeavors.  After all, just two years ago, it was with the MOD that I lobbied in Austin to get
House Bill 740 passed.  This lifesaving bill requires all Texas newborns be screened for Critical Congenital Heart Defects before being released to go home from the hospital.  This is just the tip of the iceberg as far as the ways that MOD is helping OUR children.  Yours and mine. 

So what's the best way to be a part of March of  Dimes?  What can you do to literally save babies?  It's simple - DONATE!  Click on the link HERE or on the sidebar and donate today!    

To get things off on the right foot, check this out:  As you probably know, Home Runs in Heaven is officially published and out there for anyone who needs it.  I cannot tell you how thankful I am for your generosity in getting it to this point.  If y'all remember, last year at this time, after my crowdfunding campaign ended, y'all had donated over $13,000 through the website Pubslush in order to help me publish my book! 

And as promised, now that the book is d.o.n.e. I have donated the remaining amount to the March of Dimes.  Sooooo.... I officially made a $5,518.04 donation last week! 

My goal this year is reach the $10,000 mark!  If your family is looking for a charity that makes a difference, then let it be March of Dimes.  Feel free to share, post, tweet, retweet, and anything else you can think of to help save babies.  Let's do this!

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Good Bye, Old Girl...

When I woke up this morning, I wasn't thinking that today's events would be burned into my memory.  But they are.  It's one of those days that you know is coming, but you wish upon wish that it's far, far away despite what logic is telling you.  

You see, our 11 1/2 year old chocolate lab, McCarney has been declining A LOT in the past six months.  When we got home from Iowa this summer, she really began to show her age, and Brad and I knew that she didn't have many years left with us.  Then in August she started losing weight fast and became more and more lethargic every day.  Her sweet and loving demeanor didn't change for an instant and so we remained hopeful that her time with us would continue for many more months.  But a couple weeks ago, we took her to get boarded when we went to Iowa for Christmas, and she only weighed 50 pounds (when we were used to being scolded for her being above 65). 

Since we got home from Iowa one week ago, our poor baby girl has been sleeping away everyday.  She doesn't join the family upstairs to cuddle before the kids go to bed.  Brad has been having to lift her onto our bed every night because she can't jump that high anymore.  She's having accidents everyday; sometimes multiple times a day.  And a couple days ago, she stopped eating.  Anyone with a lab knows this is NOT a good sign...

So yesterday I made an appointment for this morning to see what we needed to do to help her stay comfortable as long as possible.  But as soon as the vet came into the room, I burst into tears, telling her that I knew what she was going to say to me...

And I was right.

They believed McCarney to have cancer (which we suspected for the last year or so) that has spread throughout her entire body.  The doctor said that her decline was happening fast and that we didn't have much more time with her.  After talking it through, we decided today was the day we had to put her down.  Reluctantly, McCarney and I left the vet to go home to say good bye to the kids.  

What took place in our family room minutes later was both heartbreaking and heartwarming.  Tate was devastated and immediately became overwhelmed with sadness and tears.  Knox asked some questions (which he has continued asking throughout the day) about the logistics of getting to heaven.  And Ms. Brady was excited that McCarney would be with her big brother, Nash.  

After my parents came over to give our sweet dog hugs and to watch the kids, Brad and I got her back in the car and drove the mile back to the vet.  I have to say that everyone in that office was more than compassionate about what we were having to do and were so gentle with our precious girl.  

As the vet injected McCarney with the meds that would send her to heaven, Brad and I sat on the floor with her, whispering to her how we have enjoyed having her as our first baby.  We reminded her how much she is loved.  And I told her to make sure to find her little brother, Nash, as soon as she could, and that he would be so, so happy to play with her again. 

After a quick thirty seconds, she slumped over and went limp.  And that was it.  She was gone.

She's gone.

It's funny how much a dog can have a hold on your heart.  McCarney has been a part of our family through our biggest ups and our deepest downs.  Not having her here definitely leaves a hole that only her sweet paw print can fill.

Our Dearest McCarney Girl,
Although I know that today was your day to go, my heart aches at the thought of going to bed tonight without you nestled at my feet.  You were our first baby and we've loved you ever since that summer day that we brought you home to live with us when you were only six weeks old.  The runt of the litter.  Do you remember?  

We've had lots of good times, huh?  Remember how you used to go to all of Daddy's softball games and steal everyone hearts (and eat all the gum and sunflower seeds you could find)?  Or remember jumping into Grandma's pool and fetching toys over and over and over again for all those summers?  Or the time when you saw a squirrel and jumped so hard against the screen that you ended up outside and the neighbor had to bring you home?  Remember Tate, Nash, Knox, and Brady when they first came home from the hospital and you spent lots of time sniffing them before you gave them your approval?  

McCarney, you wove your way into every member of this family, and we are all so sad to see you go.  Please know how hard it was to make this decision today.  If there was something that we could've done, we would've done it, okay?  We just wanted you to be whole again.  

So, Baby Girl, go play fetch with Nash.  Run and run and run to your heart's content.  Bark as loud as you want.  Eat peanut butter and ice cream for every meal.  And please, don't forget how much happiness you brought to our family.

We love you and miss you.  
Always, 
Mommy

 

 

McCarney Sievers

May 1, 2003 - January 3, 2015

Happy New Year?

Like the rest of the world, a New Year represents a new a beginning for me.  A fresh start.  You know... well-intentioned resolutions, a list of to-dos, and a positive outlook to go along with it.  Yet, on the eve of such an iconic day, my thoughts always come to a crossroads... I feel myself standing on the corner of Hope and Despair...

Just the idea of a new year is disheartening for anyone dealing with a loss.  I was just explaining it to a friend as being such a stark reminder of time passing.  I will never forget New Year's 2009 - it was devastating to think that Nash would never see it.  Something was comforting about remaining in 2008, and I didn't want to move past that.  This year, the feelings are still there and they're no different than in years past.  New Year's Day falls on the 6 1/2 year anniversary of Nash's death... Last year it was 5 1/2 years, the year before was 4 1/2... It's pretty tough to start the year on such a glaring reminder of the absence of someone that means the most to you. 

So this year, Brad and I will be with friends tonight celebrating alongside the rest of the world.  And like you, I will raise my glass to toast the future, but even more importantly, to honor the past.  I may not be up for big plans or large endeavors, but I will do what I can to make 2015 better than 2014.  I will carry hope in my heart like I have on all the New Year's past.  I will continue to look for the silver lining, see the glass half full, and dance in the rain... but just because six and half years have gone by without my little one, I won't kid myself that this journey gets any easier. 

Because it doesn't.

God Bless and Happy New Year Y'all,
Tracy

Getting it Out There

Okay, so this book publishing thing is a LOT overwhelming for a LOT of reasons...

First off, I cannot get over the amount of support and encouragement I've gotten from so many people.  Not only are people leaving me the most heartfelt and sweet messages, emails, texts, etc., but people have actually bought the book!!!  I'm just in awe thinking that families are actually reading this to their kids.  My message is actually getting out there!?  Crazy.  Lots of people have told me they've bought multiple copies to give as gifts this holiday season, which is such a great idea. 

Secondly, I'm overwhelmed with the actual process of getting the book out there for the public to find.  I know it's a long shot to actually get my book into bookstores - and it's not like I wrote it to become the newest best seller anyway.  I mean, let's be honest here.  I really hate that people even have a need to get the book in the first place.  But that's my dilemma...

The entire purpose in me writing the book was to have something out there that explained heaven in "kid terms." So if people other than y'all (who know me) need a book on this subject, what's the first thing they do?  Go to Google or Amazon, right?  Herein lies the problem:  if you merely search children's books about heaven, death, grief, etc. my book doesn't pop up.  A bunch of stuff from Amazon does, but I learned that my book won't show up because it's all based on number of copies sold.  Also, on ratings, etc.  So... I'm wondering if any of y'all could help me out here.  You've already done an amazing job of buying the book, but you know how on Amazon you can "rate" a book or write a review for it?  I would be so honored if anyone who has purchased the book (and liked it!) to write a brief review on it.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you just have to click on the yellow box marked, "Write a Customer Review."  It would be pretty great to see that my book has some yellow stars by it. 

In the meantime, I'm overwhelmed at trying to talk to local people about having my book available to them.  This time of year is crazy to begin with and I don't know exactly how to start.  But I'm thinking I should reach out to local churches, religious schools, bereavement groups, and maybe small Christian businesses to ask if they'd be interested in having the book onhand.  If anyone around DFW (or anywhere really) knows a place that could use my book to help in their ministry, I would LOVE to hear about them. 

I'm sooooo not a salesman and don't really want to be.  But I also know that after pouring my heart and soul into this project, I need to do my best to see it through to fruition.  I need to get it out there. I need it to help children the way I intended from the beginning.

THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!
Love to y'all,
Tracy

This. Is. Happening.

If you're reading this post, you may have noticed the new link just off to the right.  If not, go ahead and glance over... I'll wait..

See it?  

DID YOU SEE IT?!

If you click on that pretty little book cover, you'll be smack dab on the Home Runs in Heaven link via Amazon!!!  Seriously.  My book is DONE!!!

I already ordered my first shipment of books that I will be giving out to all the families that donated $100 or more to my Pubslush crowd funding campaign back in January.  So don't worry, I haven't forgotten about y'all.

At this point, I'm just completely lost for words... which is weird, right?  I cannot believe that this is happening.  My baby's legacy is literally in print for the world to see. 
 
Baby Nash, your mommy loves you so much.  I know you're smiling down on us today and always.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Sooooooooo Close!!!

Okay, y'all... two days ago, after about a million rounds of revisions and editing, I received the FINAL proof of Home Runs in Heaven!!!  As I type this, an actual PHYSICAL copy of my book is being made and then will be sent to my house!!!

As many of you know, this book was originally written in the fall of 2008, only a few months after Nash passed away.  Then this past January, on what would've been his sixth birthday, I decided to share my dream with you and start the publishing process.  It's been 11 long months since then and we are just about home free.  I cannot believe the finish line is so close.

This process has been uplifting and enlightening and therapeutic to say the least.  Through all of your words of encouragement and support, I have learned how much my little boy has impacted each of you.  And that makes my heart swell. 

Right now I'm busy setting the sale price, filling out tax forms, and other boring stuff until the UPS man shows up with the most important package of my life! If the book doesn't need any changes once I get it in my hot little hands, I will then request my first batch of books to be printed and ready to sell, ship, etc.  I will keep everyone posted on these last few steps. 

We. Are. So. Close.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Goldfish in Bed

I cannot believe I've gone an entire month without a single post.  What kind of blog is this?!  Honestly, for the past few weeks, it's been my intention to sit down and get something written... but wouldn't you know it?  Another day goes by without writing a word.  Maybe I'm too exhausted, maybe I just want to watch some mindless reality TV, or maybe I'd just rather snuggle up with a book at 8:30 because all three kids are finally asleep.  But no matter the reason, one thing is for certain: Life happens and sitting down to write gets pushed waaaaaay down on my priority list. 

It was that exact thought that is making me sit down to write tonight... 

Today while driving home from work, I was thinking about the million things that keep popping up throughout my day that make writing on my blog not happen, and something just clicked... Yes, I'm busy (and I dare you to show me a mom that isn't!).  Yes, being a mom brings with it an entire barrage of emotions.  And yes, I admit, I sometimes sigh in frustration when I finally sit on the couch for the first time, only to hear a little voice ask for more juice. 

But today, I looked at it a different way...  After all, they say it's always just a matter of perspective. Today I remembered that the glass of juice I mentioned is only being asked for because I have a handsome four year old boy that's thirsty and knows his mom will help him out.  And I realized the reason I go through two big cups of coffee some mornings is because I have a three year old baby girl that sometimes needs a few middle-of-the-night kisses.  Today I remembered that the wood floors by the fridge are ALWAYS sticky only because Tate is getting old enough to pour his own drinks.  And I'm also realizing that my head is usually pounding because my house is FULL of the whoops and hollers of three kids simultaneously dancing, singing, chasing, and giggling with each other.  I figured out that as I walk by the piles of laundry that never seem to go away, I may cringe a little... but I should tell myself the only reason it's there is because I'm lucky enough to have a family that lives together under one roof.  And tonight when I FINALLY had the kitchen cleaned up and the kids down only to realize I needed to get the crockpot ready for tomorrow's dinner if we wanted something to eat other than toast, I just reminded myself that I'm more than blessed to have a table FULL of people I love to share my meals with... even if at least a couple of them will complain about whatever it is we're eating. 

Sometimes I think it takes a little bit for us moms to remember that everything we deal with day in and day out really ARE the exact things that make us so blessed.  Now don't get me wrong, I get overwhelmed, like everyone else.  But it sure is nice to really see the underlying reason that all of these little "frustrations" are in our lives. 

Oh, and one more thing... I'm writing this from the comforts of my big comfy bed... where I found this little friend... So after I let out just a tiny little sigh, I reminded myself that goldfish in bed only mean that someone's little fingers put them there.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

 

His Favorite Color Was Blue

Last week, Tate and I were at school early one morning, and I was getting ready for my day.  I was bustling around my classroom - checking email, grabbing my first cup of coffee, looking over lesson plans - you know, "teachery stuff."  Tate was writing on my white board, waiting to head to class.  At some point I glanced up to see what he was doing and he had written a colorful collage of messages that read, "Tate is awesome! Knox is awesome! Brady is awesome! Nash is awesome!"  Of course it made me smile to see that he had included Nash in his writing.  But, at the same time, it didn't surprise me because Tate is so great about including his brother in his everyday life.  He brings him up time and time again, and each time it melts my heart. 

But on this particular morning, the heart melting when one step farther... I told Tate that I loved what he wrote on my board and he then explained to me how he chose which color to write each sentence, "Mine is red because it's my favorite color; Knox's is green because it's his favorite color, Brady's is purple because it's her favorite color; and Nash's is blue because that was his favorite color." 

What?

According to Tate, Nash's favorite color would be blue. 

Blue.

Blue like his perfect little eyes and like the blanket I swaddled him in.  Blue like the sky I look up at to see if I can catch just a glimpse of him watching down on us.  Blue.

There's so much about my little boy that I've always wondered... What would be his favorite sport?  His favorite dessert?  What foods would he despise?  Would he love to read or do math?  Play Monopoly?  What movie would he make me watch over and over again? 

On most days, I've come to accept that I'm not ever going to know the answers to these questions.  But, because of one very loving, honest, and sensitive eight year old boy, I learned something that I never dreamed I would know...

His favorite color was blue.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Bookin' Along

Latest Book Update....

Any day now I should receive the entire book mock up (all pages with text and illustrations) from the publisher.  I already okayed the preview (the first few pages) - so now I'm just waiting on seeing the entire thing.  I'm beyond excited about our progress. 

Now that the illustrations are finished, the process goes pretty quickly.  I talk to the publishers, giving them my vision and answering their questions.  They work for a few days and then they send me a proof.  I either suggest changes or approve what they did.  And this just keeps repeating for every aspect of the book.

I do need to note that my brother felt so badly about taking such a long time to get the illustrations finished.  However, now that they're done and I can see how beautiful they are, I completely understand.  Even though I've assured him it was well worth the wait, he still feels badly.  So much so, he asked me to share the following:

To our Family and Friends

 

On behalf of my wife and myself, we would like to thank everyone for their patience in regards to our illustration work. We did everything by hand and there is very little room for error with our chosen mediums, so this process took much longer than anticipated.

 

Nash is our nephew and we wanted to do our best in his honor and I feel we accomplished that goal. We felt compelled to give all that have donated to the publication of this book a quality product and we strongly feel we met that end as well. However, I cannot thank you all enough for your patience and your faith in our little team of author and illustrators.

 

With much love,

Trent and Kara Smith

 

I'll be sure to let y'all know more details as they come.  My goal is to have the book available for purchase by Thanksgiving!!!

 

Love to y'all,

Tracy

Ready or Not...

I can't believe I've gone almost an entire month without catching up on here.  This summer seriously got away from me!  How is it possible that the school year is about to start in T-minus two days!?  I swear that every year, the summer flies by even faster!  One day, I'm celebrating the upcoming two months of pools, sleeping in (ok, maybe not), and time with my own kiddos, and then before I know it, I'm back perusing Pinterest for the latest and greatest classroom ideas. 
 
Wow. 
 
Looking back, I can pretty much sum our summer up in fourwords: Baseball, Iowa, Birthday, and Austin.
 
Baseball - Games, practices, hitting coach, tournaments, Tball for Knox, basking baking in the Texas sun...

 

 

 

 

Iowa - Boating, BB gun shooting, picking up Daddy's new (old) truck, fishing, kayaking, fireworks, and TONS of family time!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Birthday - EIGHT year old!, cupcakes, fave gift - new glove!

 

 
Austin - Lost Pines, swimming pools, water slides, lazy river, sleepovers, family time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
This summer was truly the best I've had in a long, long time.  I'm usually pretty ready to head back to school, but this year, I was actually praying for the days to slow down a little bit.  I'm thankful that going back to an incredible school FULL of some of my most favorite people (teachers, students, and parents!) makes this transition a little easier at least.  Good luck to all of you starting a new school year!

Another summer... in the books!

Love to y'all,
TracyTracy