Happy New Year?

Like the rest of the world, a New Year represents a new a beginning for me.  A fresh start.  You know... well-intentioned resolutions, a list of to-dos, and a positive outlook to go along with it.  Yet, on the eve of such an iconic day, my thoughts always come to a crossroads... I feel myself standing on the corner of Hope and Despair...

Just the idea of a new year is disheartening for anyone dealing with a loss.  I was just explaining it to a friend as being such a stark reminder of time passing.  I will never forget New Year's 2009 - it was devastating to think that Nash would never see it.  Something was comforting about remaining in 2008, and I didn't want to move past that.  This year, the feelings are still there and they're no different than in years past.  New Year's Day falls on the 6 1/2 year anniversary of Nash's death... Last year it was 5 1/2 years, the year before was 4 1/2... It's pretty tough to start the year on such a glaring reminder of the absence of someone that means the most to you. 

So this year, Brad and I will be with friends tonight celebrating alongside the rest of the world.  And like you, I will raise my glass to toast the future, but even more importantly, to honor the past.  I may not be up for big plans or large endeavors, but I will do what I can to make 2015 better than 2014.  I will carry hope in my heart like I have on all the New Year's past.  I will continue to look for the silver lining, see the glass half full, and dance in the rain... but just because six and half years have gone by without my little one, I won't kid myself that this journey gets any easier. 

Because it doesn't.

God Bless and Happy New Year Y'all,
Tracy