Happy New Year?

Like the rest of the world, a New Year represents a new a beginning for me.  A fresh start.  You know... well-intentioned resolutions, a list of to-dos, and a positive outlook to go along with it.  Yet, on the eve of such an iconic day, my thoughts always come to a crossroads... I feel myself standing on the corner of Hope and Despair...

Just the idea of a new year is disheartening for anyone dealing with a loss.  I was just explaining it to a friend as being such a stark reminder of time passing.  I will never forget New Year's 2009 - it was devastating to think that Nash would never see it.  Something was comforting about remaining in 2008, and I didn't want to move past that.  This year, the feelings are still there and they're no different than in years past.  New Year's Day falls on the 6 1/2 year anniversary of Nash's death... Last year it was 5 1/2 years, the year before was 4 1/2... It's pretty tough to start the year on such a glaring reminder of the absence of someone that means the most to you. 

So this year, Brad and I will be with friends tonight celebrating alongside the rest of the world.  And like you, I will raise my glass to toast the future, but even more importantly, to honor the past.  I may not be up for big plans or large endeavors, but I will do what I can to make 2015 better than 2014.  I will carry hope in my heart like I have on all the New Year's past.  I will continue to look for the silver lining, see the glass half full, and dance in the rain... but just because six and half years have gone by without my little one, I won't kid myself that this journey gets any easier. 

Because it doesn't.

God Bless and Happy New Year Y'all,
Tracy

Getting it Out There

Okay, so this book publishing thing is a LOT overwhelming for a LOT of reasons...

First off, I cannot get over the amount of support and encouragement I've gotten from so many people.  Not only are people leaving me the most heartfelt and sweet messages, emails, texts, etc., but people have actually bought the book!!!  I'm just in awe thinking that families are actually reading this to their kids.  My message is actually getting out there!?  Crazy.  Lots of people have told me they've bought multiple copies to give as gifts this holiday season, which is such a great idea. 

Secondly, I'm overwhelmed with the actual process of getting the book out there for the public to find.  I know it's a long shot to actually get my book into bookstores - and it's not like I wrote it to become the newest best seller anyway.  I mean, let's be honest here.  I really hate that people even have a need to get the book in the first place.  But that's my dilemma...

The entire purpose in me writing the book was to have something out there that explained heaven in "kid terms." So if people other than y'all (who know me) need a book on this subject, what's the first thing they do?  Go to Google or Amazon, right?  Herein lies the problem:  if you merely search children's books about heaven, death, grief, etc. my book doesn't pop up.  A bunch of stuff from Amazon does, but I learned that my book won't show up because it's all based on number of copies sold.  Also, on ratings, etc.  So... I'm wondering if any of y'all could help me out here.  You've already done an amazing job of buying the book, but you know how on Amazon you can "rate" a book or write a review for it?  I would be so honored if anyone who has purchased the book (and liked it!) to write a brief review on it.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you just have to click on the yellow box marked, "Write a Customer Review."  It would be pretty great to see that my book has some yellow stars by it. 

In the meantime, I'm overwhelmed at trying to talk to local people about having my book available to them.  This time of year is crazy to begin with and I don't know exactly how to start.  But I'm thinking I should reach out to local churches, religious schools, bereavement groups, and maybe small Christian businesses to ask if they'd be interested in having the book onhand.  If anyone around DFW (or anywhere really) knows a place that could use my book to help in their ministry, I would LOVE to hear about them. 

I'm sooooo not a salesman and don't really want to be.  But I also know that after pouring my heart and soul into this project, I need to do my best to see it through to fruition.  I need to get it out there. I need it to help children the way I intended from the beginning.

THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!
Love to y'all,
Tracy

This. Is. Happening.

If you're reading this post, you may have noticed the new link just off to the right.  If not, go ahead and glance over... I'll wait..

See it?  

DID YOU SEE IT?!

If you click on that pretty little book cover, you'll be smack dab on the Home Runs in Heaven link via Amazon!!!  Seriously.  My book is DONE!!!

I already ordered my first shipment of books that I will be giving out to all the families that donated $100 or more to my Pubslush crowd funding campaign back in January.  So don't worry, I haven't forgotten about y'all.

At this point, I'm just completely lost for words... which is weird, right?  I cannot believe that this is happening.  My baby's legacy is literally in print for the world to see. 
 
Baby Nash, your mommy loves you so much.  I know you're smiling down on us today and always.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Sooooooooo Close!!!

Okay, y'all... two days ago, after about a million rounds of revisions and editing, I received the FINAL proof of Home Runs in Heaven!!!  As I type this, an actual PHYSICAL copy of my book is being made and then will be sent to my house!!!

As many of you know, this book was originally written in the fall of 2008, only a few months after Nash passed away.  Then this past January, on what would've been his sixth birthday, I decided to share my dream with you and start the publishing process.  It's been 11 long months since then and we are just about home free.  I cannot believe the finish line is so close.

This process has been uplifting and enlightening and therapeutic to say the least.  Through all of your words of encouragement and support, I have learned how much my little boy has impacted each of you.  And that makes my heart swell. 

Right now I'm busy setting the sale price, filling out tax forms, and other boring stuff until the UPS man shows up with the most important package of my life! If the book doesn't need any changes once I get it in my hot little hands, I will then request my first batch of books to be printed and ready to sell, ship, etc.  I will keep everyone posted on these last few steps. 

We. Are. So. Close.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Goldfish in Bed

I cannot believe I've gone an entire month without a single post.  What kind of blog is this?!  Honestly, for the past few weeks, it's been my intention to sit down and get something written... but wouldn't you know it?  Another day goes by without writing a word.  Maybe I'm too exhausted, maybe I just want to watch some mindless reality TV, or maybe I'd just rather snuggle up with a book at 8:30 because all three kids are finally asleep.  But no matter the reason, one thing is for certain: Life happens and sitting down to write gets pushed waaaaaay down on my priority list. 

It was that exact thought that is making me sit down to write tonight... 

Today while driving home from work, I was thinking about the million things that keep popping up throughout my day that make writing on my blog not happen, and something just clicked... Yes, I'm busy (and I dare you to show me a mom that isn't!).  Yes, being a mom brings with it an entire barrage of emotions.  And yes, I admit, I sometimes sigh in frustration when I finally sit on the couch for the first time, only to hear a little voice ask for more juice. 

But today, I looked at it a different way...  After all, they say it's always just a matter of perspective. Today I remembered that the glass of juice I mentioned is only being asked for because I have a handsome four year old boy that's thirsty and knows his mom will help him out.  And I realized the reason I go through two big cups of coffee some mornings is because I have a three year old baby girl that sometimes needs a few middle-of-the-night kisses.  Today I remembered that the wood floors by the fridge are ALWAYS sticky only because Tate is getting old enough to pour his own drinks.  And I'm also realizing that my head is usually pounding because my house is FULL of the whoops and hollers of three kids simultaneously dancing, singing, chasing, and giggling with each other.  I figured out that as I walk by the piles of laundry that never seem to go away, I may cringe a little... but I should tell myself the only reason it's there is because I'm lucky enough to have a family that lives together under one roof.  And tonight when I FINALLY had the kitchen cleaned up and the kids down only to realize I needed to get the crockpot ready for tomorrow's dinner if we wanted something to eat other than toast, I just reminded myself that I'm more than blessed to have a table FULL of people I love to share my meals with... even if at least a couple of them will complain about whatever it is we're eating. 

Sometimes I think it takes a little bit for us moms to remember that everything we deal with day in and day out really ARE the exact things that make us so blessed.  Now don't get me wrong, I get overwhelmed, like everyone else.  But it sure is nice to really see the underlying reason that all of these little "frustrations" are in our lives. 

Oh, and one more thing... I'm writing this from the comforts of my big comfy bed... where I found this little friend... So after I let out just a tiny little sigh, I reminded myself that goldfish in bed only mean that someone's little fingers put them there.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

 

His Favorite Color Was Blue

Last week, Tate and I were at school early one morning, and I was getting ready for my day.  I was bustling around my classroom - checking email, grabbing my first cup of coffee, looking over lesson plans - you know, "teachery stuff."  Tate was writing on my white board, waiting to head to class.  At some point I glanced up to see what he was doing and he had written a colorful collage of messages that read, "Tate is awesome! Knox is awesome! Brady is awesome! Nash is awesome!"  Of course it made me smile to see that he had included Nash in his writing.  But, at the same time, it didn't surprise me because Tate is so great about including his brother in his everyday life.  He brings him up time and time again, and each time it melts my heart. 

But on this particular morning, the heart melting when one step farther... I told Tate that I loved what he wrote on my board and he then explained to me how he chose which color to write each sentence, "Mine is red because it's my favorite color; Knox's is green because it's his favorite color, Brady's is purple because it's her favorite color; and Nash's is blue because that was his favorite color." 

What?

According to Tate, Nash's favorite color would be blue. 

Blue.

Blue like his perfect little eyes and like the blanket I swaddled him in.  Blue like the sky I look up at to see if I can catch just a glimpse of him watching down on us.  Blue.

There's so much about my little boy that I've always wondered... What would be his favorite sport?  His favorite dessert?  What foods would he despise?  Would he love to read or do math?  Play Monopoly?  What movie would he make me watch over and over again? 

On most days, I've come to accept that I'm not ever going to know the answers to these questions.  But, because of one very loving, honest, and sensitive eight year old boy, I learned something that I never dreamed I would know...

His favorite color was blue.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Bookin' Along

Latest Book Update....

Any day now I should receive the entire book mock up (all pages with text and illustrations) from the publisher.  I already okayed the preview (the first few pages) - so now I'm just waiting on seeing the entire thing.  I'm beyond excited about our progress. 

Now that the illustrations are finished, the process goes pretty quickly.  I talk to the publishers, giving them my vision and answering their questions.  They work for a few days and then they send me a proof.  I either suggest changes or approve what they did.  And this just keeps repeating for every aspect of the book.

I do need to note that my brother felt so badly about taking such a long time to get the illustrations finished.  However, now that they're done and I can see how beautiful they are, I completely understand.  Even though I've assured him it was well worth the wait, he still feels badly.  So much so, he asked me to share the following:

To our Family and Friends

 

On behalf of my wife and myself, we would like to thank everyone for their patience in regards to our illustration work. We did everything by hand and there is very little room for error with our chosen mediums, so this process took much longer than anticipated.

 

Nash is our nephew and we wanted to do our best in his honor and I feel we accomplished that goal. We felt compelled to give all that have donated to the publication of this book a quality product and we strongly feel we met that end as well. However, I cannot thank you all enough for your patience and your faith in our little team of author and illustrators.

 

With much love,

Trent and Kara Smith

 

I'll be sure to let y'all know more details as they come.  My goal is to have the book available for purchase by Thanksgiving!!!

 

Love to y'all,

Tracy

Ready or Not...

I can't believe I've gone almost an entire month without catching up on here.  This summer seriously got away from me!  How is it possible that the school year is about to start in T-minus two days!?  I swear that every year, the summer flies by even faster!  One day, I'm celebrating the upcoming two months of pools, sleeping in (ok, maybe not), and time with my own kiddos, and then before I know it, I'm back perusing Pinterest for the latest and greatest classroom ideas. 
 
Wow. 
 
Looking back, I can pretty much sum our summer up in fourwords: Baseball, Iowa, Birthday, and Austin.
 
Baseball - Games, practices, hitting coach, tournaments, Tball for Knox, basking baking in the Texas sun...

 

 

 

 

Iowa - Boating, BB gun shooting, picking up Daddy's new (old) truck, fishing, kayaking, fireworks, and TONS of family time!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Birthday - EIGHT year old!, cupcakes, fave gift - new glove!

 

 
Austin - Lost Pines, swimming pools, water slides, lazy river, sleepovers, family time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
This summer was truly the best I've had in a long, long time.  I'm usually pretty ready to head back to school, but this year, I was actually praying for the days to slow down a little bit.  I'm thankful that going back to an incredible school FULL of some of my most favorite people (teachers, students, and parents!) makes this transition a little easier at least.  Good luck to all of you starting a new school year!

Another summer... in the books!

Love to y'all,
TracyTracy

Soooooo Close!

I've been cooped up since last week after having an ulnar nerve decompression surgery... It's from having cubital tunnel - which is a similar to carpal tunnel - just a different nerve.  Anyway, I've been meaning to catch y'all up on my book's progrees, but between typing with only my left hand and my little rugrats taking my laptop, it's takimg me forever!

One of the "little rugrats"

 

After many months of waiting, I'm super pumped to announce that my brother and his wife are just about DONE with the illustrations for Home Runs in Heaven!!!  The front and back cover are completely finished and at the publisher, and he sent me twelve interior illustrations yesterday!!!  It sounds like we are about ONE week from getting all of these to the publisher as well!  WHOOOOOOOOOOHOOO!!!

My very talented sis-in-law hard at work

 

I cannot believe how beautiful the illustrations are turning out... well, actually I can.  Trent and Kara do incredible work. But to see my words through their eyes is pretty indescribable.  I'm in awe.  Even though I want to reveal the finished product later, I HAVE to give y'all a little glimpse into the pages...

Here's just a few...

 A huge pile of candy

HOME RUN!!!

 

I know I'm biased, but these are pretty stinkin' awesome, right?!

 

Love to y'all,
Tracy