Minus One

The hardest week of the year is here. Every year, I feel myself counting down to July 1st.  First the months, then the days, and then the hours.  It's like a time bomb that I know is coming, but there's nothing I can do to hide from it.  And yet as strange as it may sound, part of me relishes this week.  I think back six years and remember when I lived a "normal" life.  Before I knew true pain, heartache, and grief. Back when my life was exactly like I had always dreamed of.  Back when I was the same as everyone else.

In a few days we leave for our annual trip to Iowa to celebrate Nash's life surrounded by those that love us and love him.  I always look forward to our two weeks spent with Brad's family, but wish it was under different circumstances.  Sometimes I try to imagine  heading north for just a "normal" family vacation... Brad, me, and our FOUR babies.  And yet just as people that haven't walked my path cannot imagine my pain, I cannot imagine the burden-less freedom I would feel as a complete family of six.  I truly cannot even begin to picture the pure contentment of that.  

And so I don't.  

I know that my family will always be minus one.  Always.  Every second of every day, we are without a piece to our puzzle.   

I read this somewhere, and it resonates so deeply...

"There is one thing that changed when you left... EVERYTHING."

Love to y'all,
Tracy