Prayers

With all the tragedy and evil that occurred two days ago, I felt compelled to take a moment to try to put into words all the emotions that are, undoubtedly, running through all of our veins.  December 14, 2012.  A day that will remain with each of us in our own way.  The day many Americans came to grips with the harshest of realities of the world in which we live.  The day that heaven received 20 beautiful angels, guided by their brave and loving teachers.

Of course, no words can say what we all feel deep inside.  The grief, the fear, the anger, the empathy, the heartbreak.  The community of Newtown, Connecticut, has now experienced every parents' worst and most unimaginable fear. We can all have our opinions as to what needs to happen now with laws, regulations, stricter this or that.  But right now is not the time or the place for that.  Right now, we need to all be praying for the families that, as we sit down to dinner tonight, are planning memorials for their babies.  

In the midst of this tragedy, my mind goes to my own baby, who left this world much, much too early.  I see the pictures of these six and seven year olds and I know how the parents will stare at those tiny faces, trying to remember every detail... the wrinkles on their fingers, the crease of their smile, the sparkle in their eyes.  I have shed so many tears as I think of the path that each of these families is now on.  I wish I could tell each of them that it'll be alright.  But I can't.  Because it won't.  

One thing that I can't seem to get out of my head is that for many, many hours - I don't know exactly how many (I stopped watching because I couldn't bare hearing it) - the children's bodies had to remain in the school.  I understand it was a crime scene and protocol had to be followed.  In fact, from what I could see, the investigators handled the past few days heroically and with so much grace.  But knowing that each of those babies was inside that big school, tears at my heart.  This fact makes me feel so incredibly grateful that I had moments with Nash after he passed.  I was able to hold him and talk to him and touch him, telling him all the things I wished I could have said before he left.  I got that much... and these parents did not.  I know the pain of being told your child didn't make it.  I know that pain of not being there when they took their last breath.  But I don't know the ache of not being able to see my baby, looking peaceful and beautiful, like a sleeping angel.  I can't imagine not being given those last moments.  

Like the rest of our nation, I will be praying for everyone involved in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting.  First and foremost, for the families that lost loved ones... the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandparents, spouses, and children.  I pray that they will be given the strength to just breathe, to put one foot in front of the other.  I pray for the surviving children and faculty in the school that day - that the images and sounds they heard will stop replaying in their minds, that they will find things to smile about again.  I pray for the police, first responders, firefighters, doctors, nurses, investigators, and everyone else that has seen one of the most horrific sights one could imagine. I pray that they accept and receive the help and counseling that has been offered to them.  And I pray for the city of Newtown - that they stay strong, stay united, stay prayful, and always, always, remember the faces of the teachers and children that once graced their streets, their parks, their schools.  

God Bless,
Tracy

Crocs, Hoops, and Eagles, Oh My!

It's official... we over-scheduled our kindergartner.  But I will say it was soooo not on purpose!  We knew Tate would play basketball this winter with his team from school (The Hoops).  Then when his soccer team (The Crocs) decided to play indoors for this season, Tate wanted to do that too.  So I told myself that we'd suck it up for a couple more months while he did the two sport thing... again.  
  
But then a couple weeks ago, Tate was invited to try out for a "select" baseball team of kindergartners in the DFW area.  We weren't really sure what it meant, or how it would go, but we were excited for him to give it a try.  He didn't know it was a try-out, he just thought he was practicing with some different kids.  After two hours of drills and practice, Tate and Brad came home all smiles.  Tate had the BEST time and Brad said he did fantastic!

Brad got an email within an hour of getting home, inviting Tate to join the North Texas Eagles for this upcoming season!  They are already beginning to practice a couple times a week (both in cages and at a field), and Tate is LOVING it!  Once the spring rolls around, they'll play "up" in a 7U league with first graders and also in 4-5 tournaments on some weekends.  

Tate is so thrilled to be a part of this group of ball players and I have to admit, I'm really excited to watch him in action with a group of boys that loves baseball as much as he does. 

So as of now, Tater's got a lot on his plate (as do we all with driving him around every night of the week). But he's handling it well and looks forward to each practice... so far.  We'll see if it lasts or not. 

And in fact, today he scored three times at his soccer game and had four points in his first basketball game of the season.  GO TATER!

Love to y'all,
Tracy 

It's the Little Things

As much as I appreciated hearing all the things that my friends were thankful for on Facebook during their once-a-day posts about their gratitude, I didn't join in.  Like all of them, I'm thankful for God, my kids, my husband, my family, my friends, my home, my job... the list goes on and on.  And November aside, I try my best to be thankful for these things each and every day.  

The more I thought about it though, the more I find myself noticing the "little things" in life that I am thankful for as well.  Just the past few days have given me mountains of instances, but here's just a small sample.:

I'm thankful...
... that when Brady fell down the stairs, Brad caught her by her ankles.
... that even after Thanksgiving and all of it's fixins, my pants still fit - albeit a little tighter maybe.
...that the guy at Chick Fil A didn't make any smart comments when I showed up at his drive through twice in one day.
...that when Tate repeatedly smacks me in the side of the head while playing "indoor baseball," he's only using a squishy ball.
... that Brad didn't totally freak when I told him we were setting up a third Christmas tree this year (is two really enough for anyone?)
... that when Knox spilled his milk all over the wood floor, it was already dirty anyway.
... that literally two minutes later when Brady pulled the dog's dish full of food off the counter, I got to her before she put any in her mouth - which is better than last time.
... that one minute later when Brady tried to pull the dog's water dish off the table (which Brad put there so she wouldn't play in it), I got to her before she succeeded in her little plan - which, again, is better than last time.

Like I said, I am grateful each and everyday for ALL of the beautiful things in my life... both big and small.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

"Is Nash Really in Heaven?"

These were the words of one of Tate's kindergarten friends the other day at school.  He ran up to me and asked, "Is Nash really in heaven?"  I told him, that yes, Nash is in heaven, and he ran off happily to find the rest of his friends.  

It all came together when I got this email from Tate's teacher (who is a great friend of mine)...

Just wanted to give you a heads up that today at teacher table when we were writing things we are thankful for, Tate decided to write about his family. He wrote that he was thankful for his bruvers (brothers ;-) ) and sister which caused some kids to ask him about having more than one. He did an awesome job explaining what happened and it was so touching to hear how compassionate they were. When he finished his work he decided to draw a picture of heaven and Nash's bench in the front of school. You'll probably see it in his folder today. I will give you more details today when I see you after school. I just thought you'd be happy to know that Nash would be so proud of his big brother today. 

I cannot tell you how much this melts my heart.  My sweet Tater, telling the story of his little brother, without a worry about what others will think.  To him, Nash will always just be his brother.  I'm so proud of my little boy.

Love to y'all,
Tracy  

Happy Halloween!!!!

Trick or treat,
Smell my feet,
Give me something new to eat!

This is Knox's very own rendition of the old Halloween rhyme we all know and love.  

Some quick highlights from our trick or treating:
Knox asking our next door neighbor if he could go in her house to play... Brady gnawing her way through a bag of M&Ms, until she had chocolate all over her face (and some soggy wrapper in her mouth)... Tate asking people for an extra piece of candy for his brother when Knox got too tired to go all the way up to the doors.  Sweet boy.

Hope you all had a spooky and fun night!!!

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Birthday Girl

It's official... my littlest (and last) is a one year old!  Of all my kiddos, I think Brady's first year has gone faster than the any of them.  I can't believe she is a walking, almost talking little girl already.  How did this happen?

Here's her current list of Love Its and Hate Its:

Love Its:
Brothers
"Dolly"
Meatballs, pasta, waffles, mac 'n' cheese, muffins, milk, pizza, cookies... pretty much everything
Dancing
Reading books
Tickles
Being outside 
Climbing on ANYTHING
 

Hate Its:
Long car rides
Having to wait for food
Not being able to keep up with brothers
Having to come inside
Strangers (or people she considers strangers!)

I wish so much Brady could understand how much joy she has brought this family.  I figure if I write it down now, someday she will be able to read it and see exactly how I felt about her way back as a tiny one year old.
My Sweet Baby Girl,

How are you already one?  How could it be that you are no longer falling asleep in my arms, as I rock you in your chair?  How is it that your tiny little feet walk around this house like you've been doing it for years?  How do you already know just the right way to smile so that my heart literally feels like it's melting?  

Brady, you came into our lives right when we needed you most.  Daddy and I prayed that we would be blessed with another baby that would make us feel that our family was complete... or at least, complete in our own unique way.  The moment the nurses placed you on my chest, I knew you were the missing piece to our puzzle and I am reminded of that every time I look in your big blue eyes.  

I look forward to all of the things that you and I will experience together that will be different from the boys and my relationships with them.  I look forward to seeing the world through my daughter's eyes.  I look forward to the ups and the downs and being there for you through them all.  Brady, I just look forward to being your mom.  

I don't know what I did to deserve each of my children. I often think, "How did I get this blessed?"  You and your brothers are everything to your daddy and me.  I adore you more than you could ever imagine.  And that, my dear, is how it will always be.

God Bless you, my little Brady Lady.  I love you today, tomorrow, and forever after that...

Mommy

Thank you, Pinterest.

Yesterday we hosted Brady's birthday party - full of food, friends, and fun! Considering she never took a good nap, she was a trooper and went with the flow pretty well.  It was a costume party, so all the little ones came decked out in their Halloween best... and boy were they cute!  

I feel this would be the appropriate time to get something off my chest, so here goes... I must admit, I'm a bit of a "Pinterest-a-holic."  There, I said it.  I take full responsibility.  I browsed and browsed the Halloween ideas for just a little help. I had a couple things in mind and then it hit me... If I only do a few things here or there, what kind of "Pinterest user" am I?  This should be the perfect time to go all out, right?  How could I justify not using Pinterest to it's full potential?  So I started to go a little crazy (ask Brad).  I came up with a great plan of what to make and how to decorate, and it actually sounded relatively easy.   Well let me just tell you that the planning and executing were a bit stressful - okay more than stressful.  But, in the end,  it was all worth it for our sweet little girl.  After all, you only turn one once! 

Helium balloons up the walkway using golf tees to anchor in the grass... thank you, Pinterest.

Stacked pumpkins on the doorstep with our initial in glitter... thank you, Pinterest.

A "Make Your Own Cupcake Station" full of frosted cupcakes and all the yummy fixins... thank you, Pinterest.

Lots of great fall recipes... Monster Munch... thank you, Pinterest.

Caramel Apple Dip... thank you, Pinterest.

Cheese Ball in the shape of a pumpkin... thank you, Pinterest.

White Chocolate Covered Straw"boo"ies... thank you, Pinterest.

A fall mantel with more glittered pumpkins... thank you, Pinterest.

A banner of pics of Brady from her first year... thank you, Pinterest.

Our little watermelon... thank you, God.

Kissing one of her favorite big girls... Miss Lainey.

She loved opening her presents.

Mmmmmmm.............

Nothing like a cake that's bigger than the person that's supposed to eat it!

A sign of a good time... icing in your ear.

My sweet, sweet baby girl!

Love to y'all,
Tracy