Tonight I should be getting ready to bring TWO little boys to Brinker tomorrow. I should be packing two lunchboxes, two backpacks, two snacks. I should walk through the doors tomorrow with both of my hands wrapped around the timid fingers of a first grader AND a kindergartner.
I've been dreading tomorrow for five years. And now it's only mere hours away. How could it be that Nash would be starting kindergarten? How could he be such a big boy already? It doesn't seem possible.
I can't help but imagine Nash's little face, as he would walk into a big, beautiful classroom full of new friends and memories to be made. I should be looking forward to seeing his huge smile as I go to pick him up. I should get to listen to the nonstop chatter as two brothers compare the day they had on the ride home. I should tuck in two exhausted Brinker Bears at the end of the day.
But none of these things are going to happen.
I miss my little boy every minute of every day. But I know that tomorrow will be one of the toughest so far. After we had Nash, one of the things I looked forward to the most was watching he and Tate grow up so close together... "just one year apart in school," I used to say. Tomorrow will be such a glaring reminder of who we're missing and all we're missing out on.
There will be so many questions that will never be answered. I feel like I'm going be searching the faces of the new kinders tomorrow and think, "Would you have been Nash's buddy?" Or be walking down the hall, wondering which locker would have had his name on it. And most of all, seeing the teachers - some dear, dear friends of mine - and know the relationship that Nash would have had with one of them. Nothing is more special that the bond of a kindergartner and their teacher.
I'm going to try my best to get through the day with a smile. I know that I am beyond blessed to have Tate and am really looking forward to him being a first grader. But knowing that the group of kinders beginning their school careers are minus one, is a tough pill to swallow. Any prayers coming this way would be so, so appreciated.
Love to y'all,
Tracy
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
Teacher Moms
It's official...Today is my last day of summer. On Monday, I go back to work for my twelfth year of teaching. Like all teacher-moms, I have mixed emotions as I head back. On one hand, I get to go back to a job that I love. And on the other, it's been such a blessing of a summer with my three little ones.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I really do get those beginning of the year butterflies every single year, just like when I was the student, not the teacher. Like most other teachers, I could spend hours in the school supply section at Target, I get psyched when I find new colorful bins at the Dollar Store, and I really know I'm ready when I start browsing Pinterest for cool new ideas to use with my students. Every year since Tate was born, this excitement was a little bit tarnished in that I had a sense of guilt that I was happy, and yet I was going to have to spend my days with other people's kids and not my own.
But not this year.
This year, my attitude has changed - and not because of any soul-searching or lightbulb moments. I think it's mostly due to the fact that I'm just now becoming okay with the fact that I LOVE to teach. And I came to the realization this summer, that my love for my job doesn't need to be looked at as a negative thing for my family. After all, my mom takes care of Knox and Brady (and she used to take care of Tate). I have NEVER had to worry about my kids while I work. This, in itself, is the number one reason why I never took the break that I always thought I would once I started having kids. We are blessed, blessed, blessed to have my parents so close AND so willing to help us out. I've also found that being a teacher makes me a better mom. I learn from my students every single day. Whether it's the number of earths that can fit inside the sun, or that sometimes even self confident eleven year olds need an encouraging hug now and again... I find myself saying, "When Tate/Knox/Brady is in fifth grade, I need to remember___________."
I actually look forward to going to school (most days!). My job as a Gifted Specialist is unique in that I get to have the same kids year after year after year. For some of the fifth graders that I'll teach this year, I've been their teacher since they were five! We end up forming quite the bond, and it's really hard to let them go off to middle school. I'm lucky to teach at a school where I consider the people I work with friends, not coworkers. We've seen each others' worst and best and everything in between. And I honestly feel that I'm better because I have each of them in my life.
The best part of teaching, though, are the kids that sit within the walls of my classroom each day. I could go on and on about the amazing things they do and say. I could tell you how last year, the shyest student in my fourth grade group ended up blooming into a well-respected and thought-provoking little girl. I could (try) to explain the uncontrollable giggles (including my own) erupting during a lengthy discussion on the mating patterns of bumblebees. Or I could say that just this past week I saw three former students during one trip to Target and then one at the mall - it's baffling how fast they grow up! Which brings me to the tremendous amount of pride I have in my heart as I am starting to hear about the plans for the kids that sat in my very first classroom in 2002 (back when I taught first grade). These kids are going to start their senior years and I am blown away by all they have accomplished already... Can I just brag and say that one of my boys is playing football for YALE next year. Yes, I said YALE!!!
Teaching is a calling; it is a passion; and it's what I'm supposed to do.
And being a mom is who I was meant to be.
Of course, my own kids come before anything in the world. But I finally figured out this summer that I am a person blessed enough have my cake and eat it too.
I pray that my kids understand why I teach...
Tater,
You're about to start first grade, Buddy. Wow. I know you're super excited, and I'm so excited for you. I'm the luckiest mom in the world because I get to have you with me at school all day long! Even though I don't see you all the time, just knowing you're there, makes me happy. I pray that you continue the love of learning that you developed last year. Be compassionate, be kind, and be happy. I love and adore you.
Mom
Knoxie,
I'm excited for you to head back to preschool. You are so ready and I know that you'll have a really great year! You're going to have so much fun with Grandma and Brady on the days you don't have school. Please know that Mommy thinks of you all day long and sometimes I even tell my students about the silly things you do and say. They always laugh at my "Knox Stories." You have grown into such a smart and funny boy. I love you millions and billions.
Mommy
So to all you teacher-moms out there (especially my fellow Brinker Bears), good luck as you start the new year. Feel good knowing the impact you will have this year on all of your students. But more importantly, know that your own kiddos are so very proud of you for what you do.
I know that I will always be "mom" first... But "Mrs. Sievers" doesn't bother me one bit.
Love to y'all,
Tracy
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I really do get those beginning of the year butterflies every single year, just like when I was the student, not the teacher. Like most other teachers, I could spend hours in the school supply section at Target, I get psyched when I find new colorful bins at the Dollar Store, and I really know I'm ready when I start browsing Pinterest for cool new ideas to use with my students. Every year since Tate was born, this excitement was a little bit tarnished in that I had a sense of guilt that I was happy, and yet I was going to have to spend my days with other people's kids and not my own.
But not this year.
This year, my attitude has changed - and not because of any soul-searching or lightbulb moments. I think it's mostly due to the fact that I'm just now becoming okay with the fact that I LOVE to teach. And I came to the realization this summer, that my love for my job doesn't need to be looked at as a negative thing for my family. After all, my mom takes care of Knox and Brady (and she used to take care of Tate). I have NEVER had to worry about my kids while I work. This, in itself, is the number one reason why I never took the break that I always thought I would once I started having kids. We are blessed, blessed, blessed to have my parents so close AND so willing to help us out. I've also found that being a teacher makes me a better mom. I learn from my students every single day. Whether it's the number of earths that can fit inside the sun, or that sometimes even self confident eleven year olds need an encouraging hug now and again... I find myself saying, "When Tate/Knox/Brady is in fifth grade, I need to remember___________."
I actually look forward to going to school (most days!). My job as a Gifted Specialist is unique in that I get to have the same kids year after year after year. For some of the fifth graders that I'll teach this year, I've been their teacher since they were five! We end up forming quite the bond, and it's really hard to let them go off to middle school. I'm lucky to teach at a school where I consider the people I work with friends, not coworkers. We've seen each others' worst and best and everything in between. And I honestly feel that I'm better because I have each of them in my life.
The best part of teaching, though, are the kids that sit within the walls of my classroom each day. I could go on and on about the amazing things they do and say. I could tell you how last year, the shyest student in my fourth grade group ended up blooming into a well-respected and thought-provoking little girl. I could (try) to explain the uncontrollable giggles (including my own) erupting during a lengthy discussion on the mating patterns of bumblebees. Or I could say that just this past week I saw three former students during one trip to Target and then one at the mall - it's baffling how fast they grow up! Which brings me to the tremendous amount of pride I have in my heart as I am starting to hear about the plans for the kids that sat in my very first classroom in 2002 (back when I taught first grade). These kids are going to start their senior years and I am blown away by all they have accomplished already... Can I just brag and say that one of my boys is playing football for YALE next year. Yes, I said YALE!!!
Teaching is a calling; it is a passion; and it's what I'm supposed to do.
And being a mom is who I was meant to be.
Of course, my own kids come before anything in the world. But I finally figured out this summer that I am a person blessed enough have my cake and eat it too.
I pray that my kids understand why I teach...
Tater,
You're about to start first grade, Buddy. Wow. I know you're super excited, and I'm so excited for you. I'm the luckiest mom in the world because I get to have you with me at school all day long! Even though I don't see you all the time, just knowing you're there, makes me happy. I pray that you continue the love of learning that you developed last year. Be compassionate, be kind, and be happy. I love and adore you.
Mom
Knoxie,
I'm excited for you to head back to preschool. You are so ready and I know that you'll have a really great year! You're going to have so much fun with Grandma and Brady on the days you don't have school. Please know that Mommy thinks of you all day long and sometimes I even tell my students about the silly things you do and say. They always laugh at my "Knox Stories." You have grown into such a smart and funny boy. I love you millions and billions.
Mommy
Brady Girl,
I know that this summer, you and I have been connected at the hip. And it's gonna take a little getting used to (for both of us) to be separated. But I also know that Grandma and you are gonna have the best time together! I pray that as you grow up, you will understand that someday, you can have your cake and eat it too, just like me. When you're a mommy, you'll have the chance to find a job that you love as much as I love teaching. Maybe you'll want to be a teacher too. Or an accountant, or a doctor, or a comedian, or a ballet dancer. Whatever you choose, I hope that it fits you as well as teaching fits me. Love you bunches, my Brady Lady.
Mama
So to all you teacher-moms out there (especially my fellow Brinker Bears), good luck as you start the new year. Feel good knowing the impact you will have this year on all of your students. But more importantly, know that your own kiddos are so very proud of you for what you do.
I know that I will always be "mom" first... But "Mrs. Sievers" doesn't bother me one bit.
Love to y'all,
Tracy
Friday, August 2, 2013
Oops!!!
I just posted about our vacation and realized I hadn't written about Tate's seventh birthday! So excuse the order of these last few posts...
I find myself looking at him, saying, "Where have the last seven years gone?" Before I was a mom, I always heard people say that their kids grew up way too fast (my own parents included), but now I really get it. I keep thinking that in seven more years, he'll be almost starting high school; then seven years after that, he'll be drinking beer (legally, that is!). How can this be possible?!
Tate has taught me everything about being a mom. He's my guinea pig, and unfortunately feels the brunt of my mistakes as a parent. And the best thing? He loves me through it all. Completely and unwavering. Just like I love him.
Tate...
You are my very first love (besides Daddy, of course!). Those big blue eyes of your sucked me in the moment I saw them and have been doing so ever since. You have grown into such a strong-minded, compassionate, and loyal little boy over the past seven years. I am so blessed to watch you evolve into who you were meant to be. Whether it's seeing you in the hallways at school, cheering you on in the stands at a baseball tournament, or watching you with Knox and Brady, I am in awe of you. Everyday. Thank you for being my baby. God Bless you, today and always.
Love you bunches,
Mom
I find myself looking at him, saying, "Where have the last seven years gone?" Before I was a mom, I always heard people say that their kids grew up way too fast (my own parents included), but now I really get it. I keep thinking that in seven more years, he'll be almost starting high school; then seven years after that, he'll be drinking beer (legally, that is!). How can this be possible?!
Tate has taught me everything about being a mom. He's my guinea pig, and unfortunately feels the brunt of my mistakes as a parent. And the best thing? He loves me through it all. Completely and unwavering. Just like I love him.
Tate...
You are my very first love (besides Daddy, of course!). Those big blue eyes of your sucked me in the moment I saw them and have been doing so ever since. You have grown into such a strong-minded, compassionate, and loyal little boy over the past seven years. I am so blessed to watch you evolve into who you were meant to be. Whether it's seeing you in the hallways at school, cheering you on in the stands at a baseball tournament, or watching you with Knox and Brady, I am in awe of you. Everyday. Thank you for being my baby. God Bless you, today and always.
Love you bunches,
Mom
Annual "Vacation"
Every mom knows that a vacation that includes kids is anything but a vacation. As much as we love our little munchkins, getting home is a huge relief. And it's about that same time that we wish we could go on a "real" vacation.
That being said, my mom and I set off with the kiddos on Monday for San Antonio to the JW Marriott Resort and Spa. I'd heard LOTS of great things from my friends about the resort, and they were definitely right on. It was a gorgeous hotel (I'm sure the spa was great too...sigh...), but totally geared for families and little ones. All of my kiddos had an awesome time and were completely EXHAUSTED every night at bedtime.
That being said, my mom and I set off with the kiddos on Monday for San Antonio to the JW Marriott Resort and Spa. I'd heard LOTS of great things from my friends about the resort, and they were definitely right on. It was a gorgeous hotel (I'm sure the spa was great too...sigh...), but totally geared for families and little ones. All of my kiddos had an awesome time and were completely EXHAUSTED every night at bedtime.
Here are just some of the highlights of our trip...
Hanging out at one of the many resort pools.
LOVE them.
On top of a slide.
Playing a little Monster Trucks in the water.
Best Buddies
Silly girl.
SMILE!
How sweet are they?!
Water Slides!!!
Happy boy!
She loves her grandma!
Playing baseball in the pool with a beach ball.
A rare moment of "calm."
A Day at Sea World...
Baby beluga whales born a few weeks ago.
Sliding down from a HUGE play area.
Hot and sweaty boys!
Big and little.
CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Riding some rides.
Checking out the stingrays and sharks.
I can't believe we've only got two weeks before I head back to work. Where has this summer gone?!
Love to y'all,
Tracy
Tracy
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