Thank You, Ben Breedlove

I'm not sure if y'all have heard the name Ben Breedlove lately.  He's been all over the news here in Dallas.  In short, Ben was an 18 year old kid from Texas who died on Christmas Day after dealing his entire life with a very serious heart condition.  He posted a Youtube video a week before he died that has gone completely viral.  If you haven't seen it yet, please CLICK THIS LINK and see it for yourself before you read any further.

I watched the video for the first time yesterday, and of course, it brought tears to my eyes.  Not only because this vibrant and handsome young man is now gone from this earth.  Not only because I know the grief his mother is facing.  And not only because I saw my own son in him.  But I cried tears of joy.  Because Ben Breedlove may have answered my most lingering question from the day that Nash died.  

I've never been able to understand why Nash left this earth before I was able to say good-bye.  I thought that he must have been wondering where I was and why all those bad things were happening to him, while he was lying in that hospital emergency room.  I've always wished he would've "waited" for me before he left.  I picture him wanting me and I'm not there for him...

But maybe I've been wrong all this time.  In his video, Ben was very clear.  When he was "cheating death" for the third time, he said he was in a place that he "didn't want to leave."  So, maybe Nash wanted to go.  Maybe he saw the same light and felt the same peace that Ben did.  Maybe he didn't want to wait for me to get there.  Maybe all this time, I thought Nash needed me in his last moments, but maybe all he needed was peace.  Maybe on July 1st, 2008, I wasn't next to my son when he took his last breaths, but maybe I didn't need to be.  Because God was.  And after five and a half months of hurting, he finally had the peace he was yearning for.  Just like Ben... 

I can't stop thinking about both Ben and Nash today.  I wish I could thank Ben for his words.  I feel a sense of peace that I haven't felt since Nash died.  Thank you, thank you, thank you Ben Breedlove.  

Love to y'all,

Tracy 

Not Out of the Woods Yet

The last time I wrote, I thought we were FINALLY turning a corner with the kids being sick.  Thursday of last week Knox finished his antibiotic and Brady was doing well on hers.  Then... Friday rolled around and Knox started acting really fussy.  As the weekend went by, the fussiness increased tenfold and the sleep decreased to nearly non-existent.  Not a Merry Christmas in this house!  By Monday, I was about to lose it, so we went to the pediatrician AGAIN and found out Knox now had strep!  Seriously?! So now he's on a different antibiotic.  Ugh.

Monday and Tuesday were even more brutal than the weekend.  One night we put him down at 7:45pm and he finally fell asleep at 3:15am (seriously, I'm not exaggerating) and slept till 5:45am and that was it.  Another night I finally sat on the couch with him and we watched Sesame Street at 3:30am.  It was absolutely terrible!!!  I started to notice that he was acting like his mouth was sore.  He wanted to eat, but it's like his tongue and gums were hurting him.  So to make a long story short, we headed BACK to the doctor yesterday and then to the dentist this morning to find out that he has some kind of virus in his mouth that happens relatively often in little ones when they are getting new teeth.  He's gotten his four canines in the last few months and I guess this is the culprit for the virus.  The good news is that we know what it is that's putting him in so much pain.  The bad news is, like all viruses, we have to let it run its course.  YAY.  

He does seem to be acting a little more like himself last night and today.  Brad slept in his bed last night and said he only cried out five or six times between 12am and 7am, which is MUCH better than the 10-12 times per hour he was doing the previous nights (again, no exaggeration!).  So I'm PRAYING that he's gonna get over this soon.   I miss my sweet little boy!  

Love to y'all,
Tracy

What is This? Walgreens?!

The last few weeks have been crazy around here with my sweet babies getting sick.  We found out Brady had thrush right after Thanksgiving.  So, we had to get her on some oral meds to try to clear it up.  That same week, Brad was battling a bout of bronchitis - which, by the way, he is still coughing from.  Brady's thrush began to spread into her diaper, so we had to refill her meds and add an entire diaper changing regimen with a prescription for a special powder to help clear her up.  Last week, Knox came down with a double ear infection, which produced many sleepless nights for him (and me!).  And last night, Brady ended up at the after-hours doctor because she began crying... no, more like screaming, in pain around 5:00 pm and we couldn't get her to stop.  After a thorough check, we found out she too, had an ear infection.  At her follow-up this morning with her regular pediatrician, she said it was not just one ear, but both ears.  Oh, and her thrush isn't cleared up yet, so now she's on a more powerful medicine.  UGH.  Poor babies.

My house looks like a pharmacy and I'm literally writing things down so that I don't get confused as to who to do what to when.  Got that?!  But, I will say, that I'd much rather deal with these types of sicknesses than the puking kind... (like my poor sis-in-law last week!).  Hopefully Tate stays clear of all of this and the little ones will be back on the mend sooner than later.  

Fridge Meds

Changing Table Meds

Kitchen Counter Meds

Sickie #1

Sickie #2

Love to y'all,
Tracy

My Little Dirtball

On Friday evening, we were getting ready to head out to a fancy dinner at Steak 'n' Shake with my parents, and the boys were getting restless from being inside so much recently.  So Tate asked it they could go outside for a little bit before we left.  Brady was napping and I was wrapping some presents while waiting for her to wake up.  So I decided to leave the backdoor open and stay inside, just making sure to check on the boys from time to time.

At one point, I heard Tate come in and I figured he'd be heading right back out, but he came upstairs instead.  So I quickly finished wrapping the gift I had started and went out in search of Knox.  I found him on the side of our house with some monster trucks, having a fantastic time running them through the mud!

He looks pretty pleased with himself, doesn't he?  Needless to say, we had to change his clothes completely, put his trucks in the tub to rinse off, and scrub his hands and face.  Oh, and by the way, he ended up wearing flip flops to dinner because his shoes had two inches of mud (and probably dog poop) on the bottoms of them and the other ones we tried to put on him were hurting his toes.  Mother of the Year, I know...

Love to y'all,

Tracy
   

Ridiculous.

Okay, I completely love my kids.  But today was one of those days that they made me want to have a nervous breakdown in the middle of the mall.  What could possibly cause all the stress and drama in my sweet, little ones you ask???  Three words:

Visit to Santa

My mom and I decided to take the three kiddos to Willow Bend Mall first thing this morning to avoid crazy lines on the weekends, since we had a feeling we may have our hands full.  I should've known we were in for a bumpy ride when I couldn't even get out of the house without a major breakdown from Tate.  I actually had the two little ones ready to go and he was moping around and dragging his feet because he couldn't find his juice cup to bring in the car with us (by the way, this is the story of his life... "Where's my juice cup!?"). 

Anyway, we finally make it to the mall and there were like three families in front of us in line for Santa.  Not too bad, I thought.  However, I was mistaken.  There was this whole "Polar" display with ice and snow and all these things to look at on your way to see Santa.  The people that worked there herded us from one section to the next, which seemed like it took forever.  Knox was RUNNING around the area like a crazy person, getting in the way of other people's photo opps and trying to crawl under the blue velvet ropes they had us behind.  It was at this point that Miss Brady decided to join the party by screaming in her stroller.  I took her out and held a binkie in her mouth (she's not too keen on binkies) to try to get her to calm down.

We finally ended up in the "on deck" circle to see the Man in Red.  Thank goodness!  But again, I was mistaken.  We were trapped in this dome full of pretty pictures of ice and snow.  A movie was playing about penguins and polar bears.  And in the very center, hanging from the ceiling was falling snow.  Not the real stuff, but the white flaky stuff that sticks to your clothes and in your hair.  The kids in front of us stood nicely, gently touching the "snow" as it fell.  My boys?  NO WAY!!!  They decided to run, dive, and wrestle in it the entire time we were stuck in that room.  They were literally COVERED in it by the time the velvet ropes were lifted.  And might I add, the workers were having trouble with their printer, so we got "extra time" in the snow!  Yay.  

Finally.  The moment we'd been waiting for... Tate crawled right up and sat next to Santa.  I handed Brady off and set her on Santa's right knee.  Then I grabbed a very unsure Knox and set him on his left knee.  Knox took one look at Santa and screamed his very high-pitched scream, while pointing at me (to help him).  I jumped out of the way so we could get a quick pic and of course the photographers were discussing the broken printers and were not quite ready.  Santa held on tight and after a couple quick clicks of the camera, we were done!!!  Thank goodness!

If that's not a prize-winning photograph, I don't know what is!!!

I thought the craziness was about over, but here's a quick run-down of the next hour:

Knox pushing and pulling on babies in the Play Area so he could get on the different structures easier.  Brady crying and me trying the get her a bottle ready with one hand (we've all done that before - UGH).  Buying pizza for lunch and Knox refusing to sit at our table.  Knox lying face down in the middle of the Food Court, screaming... not sure why.  Knox throwing a fork across the table.  Gathering up our uneaten lunches and leaving the mall.  Brady then deciding to scream all the way to the car.  Tate yelling about not being able to get his jacket zipped before we walked out the doors. Me on the verge of a breakdown.  

And that pretty much sums it up.  Wow.  What a morning!  Merry Christmas to me!!!

Love to y'all,
Tracy