Life with a Four and a HALF Year Old

I thought tonight I would share some insight into what it's like to be the mother of a little boy who is officially four and a HALF!  Here's a little glimpse into my afternoon.

Tate LOVES Monster Trucks and got a Monster Jam Play Station game for Christmas.  When I got home from school, he asked to play it for a little bit so I set the timer and let him go for it.  Here's how it went...

After that, we were talking about how his day at school was and he told me his friend, Michael, was sick today.  Here's the conversation that followed:

Me: "What does Michael have?"

Tate: "He's thermometing."

Me: "He's vomiting?"

Tate: "Yep, he's frowin' up."

Brad and I took the boys to TGIFridays for dinner tonight.  As we were walking out the door, Tate asked if he could bring a Pop Tart to eat on the way.  I told him no because we were about to eat supper.  So he suggested I put it in my purse so he could eat it after he was done.  In order to get out the door, I agreed and stuffed it in.  And wouldn't you know it... as soon as his pizza and mandarin oranges were gone, he asked for that dang Pop Tart.  I handed it over and he sat there and ate it while we finished up our meal.  

That's pretty much a typical afternoon with my sweet Tater.  Gotta love him.

Love to y'all,

Tracy

Round Three

Here we go again!!!  In a couple months, we will be walking for the third year in the March For Babies sponsored by March of Dimes.  The money raised will go to this amazing organization whose goal it is to ensure that all babies are born healthy.  With their help, families could be saved from walking the same path that my family has had to endure over the past two and a half years. 

In the past, I have been a member of a much larger team.  Their team captain took me under her wing and has shown me the ropes for the past two years.  So this year, I'm venturing out on my own to try to do this with my own team.  Our team name is "Heart's Content"... now that Nash is whole and healthy in the kingdom of heaven, I know that his once broken and sick heart is completely content.  My personal goal is to raise $2000 and the goal for my team is to raise $4000.  That seems like soooo much, but I'm praying that with lots of help and hard work, we can meet it.

I realize that everyone has a lot going on in their lives, but if any of you could go to the link on my blog and donate to this more than worthy cause I would be grateful.  Each year, I look at this March as being a way to show Nash not only how much he is loved, but how much he affected this world in the short amount of time that he was here. 

Every single dollar truly makes a difference.  Many of you donate to some type of charity each year, so why not have the March of Dimes be it for you?  If you have friends or family members that you feel would be proud to be a part of my fundraising campaign this year, please please encourage them to visit the website.  

It is a bit of an awkward thing to ask people for money.  But, this is the one time every year that I try not to worry about asking for what I really want.  This is something I do for a little boy that touched my heart in more ways than I can express.  This is something I do for a little boy that left this world much, much too soon for his mommy's liking.  This is something I do for MY little boy... to make him proud of his mama as I keep trudging along. 

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Three Year Olds

It's a dreary day in Dallas today. Lots of clouds to match my mood. I'm not overly depressed, just a deep feeling of bittersweet. Bittersweet because this day is such a day to be celebrated and yet a day that makes me miss my little boy so very much.

Nash would have turned three years old today... January 15th... One of the best days of my life. I find myself wondering what type of little boy he would be if he were here. Would he be funny or serious? Would he be confident or timid? Would he be loud or quiet? Would he be potty trained yet? Would he love baseball as much as Tate? Would he know how to write his name? So many questions and yet none of them have answers.

We've decided to do things today to remember Nash and to celebrate his short, but meaningful life.  This morning we will head over to the memorial bench at my school to decorate it with balloons.  Then we're planning on going to Chuck E. Cheese's because I'm sure he would have loved that place as much as his brothers do.  This evening our church's Mass is in memory of him, so we'll head over to that.  

But in the midst of all of the activity today, my biggest goal is to just remember my son.  I pray for lots of clear images of his sweet face.  I pray for wonderful memories to play through my mind.  I pray for more smiles than tears.  

Some of you who read this had met Nash, though most of you had not.  If you feel up to it, please feel free to meet him by clicking here.  

Love to y'all,

Tracy

Brrrr....

This afternoon, all of North Texas was blanketed with a couple inches of beautiful snow.  Tate was quite excited to get outside and start playing in his very own Winter Wonderland.  He told me the plan was to get a snowman built and then have a snowball fight, while doing a few snow angels here and there. 

We attempted a snowman, but between the non-packing snow and our knit gloves, we didn't have much luck... Tate didn't seem that disappointed though... He named the little bitty pitiful snowman, "Friend."  Okay, okay, okay... so he's pretty pathetic.  But my son is a Texan, remember?  To him, it was awesome!

Tate and "Friend"

Snow Angels

Next we attempted a snowball fight, but again had little luck.  I ended up just letting Tate throw handfuls of snow at me, which pretty much disintegrated as it left his hand.  Again, it didn't seem to matter and he was quite pleased with himself.

Love that smile!

Check out this short video of a sweet little boy from Texas enjoying the thrills of winter...

Love to y'all,

Tracy

A New Year

I think it's safe to say that we all go into a new year with hopes of making positive changes in our lives.  We want to be better at one thing or another.  Maybe it's physical or mental.  Maybe it's within our relationships.  Maybe it's something life-altering and maybe it isn't.  But the new year represents a fresh start to all of us and what we do with that is up to us. 

For the past three New Year's, I've had very mixed emotions as we "celebrate" the passing of another year.  January 1st has a different meaning for me.  This is the day that marks the exact half way point of the anniversary of Nash's death.  So today it's been two and a half years that he's been gone.  Amazing.  Two and half years.  That's like 900 some days without my baby. 

This particular day is also difficult because it's such a reminder of how long it's been since I've held my little boy.  This is yet ANOTHER year that he won't ever see... that I won't ever share with him... I remember wanting it to stay 2008 forever.  Even though it was the worst year of my life, for five and a half months, it was the best.  And if I could have just stayed in that year, maybe it wouldn't seem so long that Nash had been gone.

All of that said, I am thankful for this New Year.  I'm grateful that I have Brad, Tate, and Knox to share it with.  So that's what I hold onto, I guess.  When I think about that awful July day that my life literally turned upside-down, I have to stop and be thankful for how far we have come since then.  My heart is scarred - it's been beaten, broken, and shattered.  But I'm learning, ever so slowly, how to keep living.  I truly believe my heart will never be entirely whole again, but I have faith that I will continue to find new happinesses in the days ahead.

Hope you have a blessed 2011!
Love to y'all,
Tracy