FYI... I guess I've just given up on trying to fix this blog. I'll leave it as is for awhile until I have some more ideas on how to change it...
In about an hour, my mom, Tate, Knox, and I are leaving for Mustang Island, which is part of south Texas... about a seven or eight hour drive from here. Brad and my dad aren't able to come because of work...
We were supposed to be going to Gulf Shores Alabama, but like so many others, canceled our reservations due to the oil spill. Our new destination hasn't been hit like so many other places along the coast.
I'm excited to see my boys at the beach for the first time. I promise to get lots of pics and post them as soon as we get home in the middle of next week.
Praying for safe travels, fun in the sun, and lots of good memories in the making!
Love to y'all,
Tracy
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Uh Oh...
Okay, friends... somehow I totally messed up my blog. I'm soooo frustrated right now. For those of you who blog, can you help me??? Basically I have no "Layouts" tab once I log in. So I can't use any of the cute backgrounds. There's nowhere to copy and paste it to. Has this happened to anyone else? Any suggestions? I'm really afraid I'm gonna have to completely start over with a new blog address and everything. AHHHH! Help!
Love to y'all,
Tracy
P.S. I'll let you know if I end up changing addresses so you can keep following!
Love to y'all,
Tracy
P.S. I'll let you know if I end up changing addresses so you can keep following!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
170 Days
Today Knox is 170 days old. Most moms probably don't know when it is that their baby will hit this mark... But I've calculated it countless times to make sure I'm right. Today is the day where Knox's lifespan has outlasted his big brother's. Nash died when he was 169 days old. By his 170th day, he was gone.
Since the day Knox was born, this day has loomed over my head. I was so afraid that he wouldn't make it this far... that he'd follow in Nash's footsteps. Then, once it was confirmed that his heart was healthy, I began to dread this day even more. You see, up to this point, I was able to compare all three of my boys. I could say, "Oh he looks so much like Tate at this age." Or, "Nash used to do that at this age." And now, I can't compare Knox to Nash anymore. I've only had one other child be at this age... I don't know what Nash would have been like at 6 months or a year old or two...
So today is a day of mixed emotions. Am I relieved to be at this point with Knox? Of course. But today also reminds me how sad I am that I never got to this point with Nash.
170 days old. To some, it's just the beginning and to others, it's more than an entire lifetime.
Love to y'all,
Tracy
Since the day Knox was born, this day has loomed over my head. I was so afraid that he wouldn't make it this far... that he'd follow in Nash's footsteps. Then, once it was confirmed that his heart was healthy, I began to dread this day even more. You see, up to this point, I was able to compare all three of my boys. I could say, "Oh he looks so much like Tate at this age." Or, "Nash used to do that at this age." And now, I can't compare Knox to Nash anymore. I've only had one other child be at this age... I don't know what Nash would have been like at 6 months or a year old or two...
So today is a day of mixed emotions. Am I relieved to be at this point with Knox? Of course. But today also reminds me how sad I am that I never got to this point with Nash.
170 days old. To some, it's just the beginning and to others, it's more than an entire lifetime.
Love to y'all,
Tracy
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tate Turns Four!!!
Dear Tate,
Four years ago today I became a mommy. The moment you entered our lives I fell in love with you. I remember the doctor putting you on my belly for the first time and thinking there's no way I could ever love someone as much as I did in that one moment. And yet I truly think I somehow grow to love you more each and every day. It seems impossible that tomorrow I could love you more, but somehow it happens.
I am so proud of the little boy you are. You're incredibly insightful, empathetic, sometimes cautious, funny, and full of life and love. You surprise me on a daily basis. You make me laugh on a daily basis. And you remind me of the meaning of family on a daily basis.
Here are my ten favorite things about you:
1. The way you can smack a baseball clear over our fence and down the alley... my little lefty!
2. The way your eyebrows wrinkle together when you're concentrating.
3. Your chubby fingers in the shape of candy corns since the day you were born.
4. Your love of pizza, donuts, and Poptarts.
5. How you sing along to country songs in the car.
6. How since before you turned a year old, you can't leave the house without a baseball cap on your head.
7. The calm and peace in your sweet face as you sleep.
8. That you give me good kisses and strong hugs.
9. That you think you can grow up to be a Power Ranger.
10. How you are the perfect fit for my puzzle.
Tate, I pray that you grow into a well-rounded, honest man. I pray for your safety and health. I pray that you remain strong in your faith and what you believe in. And I pray that your family always takes priority over anything else in your life.
God Bless you, my Sweet Tatertot. I love you.
Mommy
Four years ago today I became a mommy. The moment you entered our lives I fell in love with you. I remember the doctor putting you on my belly for the first time and thinking there's no way I could ever love someone as much as I did in that one moment. And yet I truly think I somehow grow to love you more each and every day. It seems impossible that tomorrow I could love you more, but somehow it happens.
I am so proud of the little boy you are. You're incredibly insightful, empathetic, sometimes cautious, funny, and full of life and love. You surprise me on a daily basis. You make me laugh on a daily basis. And you remind me of the meaning of family on a daily basis.
Here are my ten favorite things about you:
1. The way you can smack a baseball clear over our fence and down the alley... my little lefty!
2. The way your eyebrows wrinkle together when you're concentrating.
3. Your chubby fingers in the shape of candy corns since the day you were born.
4. Your love of pizza, donuts, and Poptarts.
5. How you sing along to country songs in the car.
6. How since before you turned a year old, you can't leave the house without a baseball cap on your head.
7. The calm and peace in your sweet face as you sleep.
8. That you give me good kisses and strong hugs.
9. That you think you can grow up to be a Power Ranger.
10. How you are the perfect fit for my puzzle.
Tate, I pray that you grow into a well-rounded, honest man. I pray for your safety and health. I pray that you remain strong in your faith and what you believe in. And I pray that your family always takes priority over anything else in your life.
God Bless you, my Sweet Tatertot. I love you.
Mommy
Thursday, July 8, 2010
California, Here We Come
Tomorrow morning Brad and I are heading to L.A. for a friend's wedding. We are really looking forward to it - beautiful weather, good food, sleeping in, and great shopping (okay, that one's more for me!). But I have to admit that I'm more than a little anxious about spending two nights so far away from my boys.
The last time Brad and I went to an out of town wedding without our kids was at the end of June 2008. And, as most of you know, that was the beginning of the end of life as we knew it. There's just too many similarities between then and now: both wedding being in mid-summer,; Nash was five months old then and Knox is five months old now; leaving the kids with one of our parents. I just hate to think of all of that. I'm trying hard to look forward to having some time with my husband, but it's really difficult to push all the worrisome thoughts from my mind.
So, if you get the chance, please pray that my kiddos will be healthy and safe while we're gone. Please pray that Brad and I have a fun trip without too much worry or fear. Please pray that we get back safe and sound Sunday night... And while you're at it, maybe go ahead and pray that my parents are up for the challenge of taking care of two very "active" little boys!!!
Love to y'all,
Tracy
The last time Brad and I went to an out of town wedding without our kids was at the end of June 2008. And, as most of you know, that was the beginning of the end of life as we knew it. There's just too many similarities between then and now: both wedding being in mid-summer,; Nash was five months old then and Knox is five months old now; leaving the kids with one of our parents. I just hate to think of all of that. I'm trying hard to look forward to having some time with my husband, but it's really difficult to push all the worrisome thoughts from my mind.
So, if you get the chance, please pray that my kiddos will be healthy and safe while we're gone. Please pray that Brad and I have a fun trip without too much worry or fear. Please pray that we get back safe and sound Sunday night... And while you're at it, maybe go ahead and pray that my parents are up for the challenge of taking care of two very "active" little boys!!!
Love to y'all,
Tracy
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Our Trip To Iowa...Summed Up!
Here's the quick version of our trip to Iowa... Enjoy!
It began with Brad's little brother's wedding in Des Moines on June 26th... Brad was the Best Man and Tate (along with his cousin Cade) was one of the Ring Bearers.
We were a little nervous for how Tate would do in his "Ring Bearer Duties." Would he refuse? Would he be shy and cry? Would he run down the aisle?
Well I'm proud to day he didn't do any of these... although, once the wedding got underway, and the boys began to get a little bored, they decided to use their pillows to lie down... flat on their bellies... on the altar... oops.
We spent some time at the water park that's right across the lake from Brad's parents' house.
July 1st 2010...
We celebrated Tate's fourth birthday with Brad's family. Tate was soooo happy to open some presents and eat his icecream cake.
Great Grandpa Sievers and his newest great grandchild.
On our last day in Iowa, my good friend from college, Amy and her family drove over two hours to come and visit us. We spent some time at the beach on Storm Lake. Tate and Amy's daughter, Ava, hit it off and were happy to pose for the camera... check out his arm placement: one around her shoulders and the other grabbing onto the lace on her bathing suit!!!
Tate and his cousin, Cade doing chores at Great Grandpa's farm.
The ride home... 13 1/2 hours of fun...
It began with Brad's little brother's wedding in Des Moines on June 26th... Brad was the Best Man and Tate (along with his cousin Cade) was one of the Ring Bearers.
We were a little nervous for how Tate would do in his "Ring Bearer Duties." Would he refuse? Would he be shy and cry? Would he run down the aisle?
Well I'm proud to day he didn't do any of these... although, once the wedding got underway, and the boys began to get a little bored, they decided to use their pillows to lie down... flat on their bellies... on the altar... oops.
We spent some time at the water park that's right across the lake from Brad's parents' house.
July 1st 2010...
We celebrated Tate's fourth birthday with Brad's family. Tate was soooo happy to open some presents and eat his icecream cake.
Great Grandpa Sievers and his newest great grandchild.
On our last day in Iowa, my good friend from college, Amy and her family drove over two hours to come and visit us. We spent some time at the beach on Storm Lake. Tate and Amy's daughter, Ava, hit it off and were happy to pose for the camera... check out his arm placement: one around her shoulders and the other grabbing onto the lace on her bathing suit!!!
Tate and his cousin, Cade doing chores at Great Grandpa's farm.
The ride home... 13 1/2 hours of fun...
Love to y'all,
Tracy
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Dear Nash...
It's me, Mommy.
Today is the two year anniversary of your death... Those words still seem so strange to me. How can you really be gone, Sweet Boy?
As I'm sure you can see from your view from heaven, we are in Storm Lake with our family as we celebrate you and your life. As difficult as today is, I also know it's important to think of the happy memories we made with you. Remember our trip to the zoo? Remember swimming in Grandma and Grandpa's pool? Remember rocking in my arms as you would drift off to sleep?
I miss you, Nash. In that respect, today is no different than any other day. The longing I have in my heart is so deep that it never really goes away. And why should it? You aren't here with me... and there's no healing for that.
I want you to know something, Honey... Even though you weren't on this Earth for a very long period of time, you have made your mark. You have changed people for the better. Some of them you know and some you never even met. But, Nash, you have made an impact bigger than many people who live to be a hundred. I'm so proud of you...
One more thing... I want you to know that losing you has been the hardest thing I've had to work through in my thirty-one years. It's a daily struggle to keep walking when somedays I'd rather sink to my knees in a puddle of tears. No mother should have to miss their baby as much as I miss you. BUT... I wouldn't change it. If God would have told me on the day you were born that you would only be able to stay for five and half months and that I could choose whether or not I still wanted you, there is absolutely NO DOUBT in my mind that I still would've wanted to be your mom. I would choose you over and over again every time, Baby. Every time.
Look down at us today as we send you yellow balloons. Reach out to your daddy and tell him how much you love him. Tell your brothers that you'll always be watching over them.
We miss you beyond all words. I love you, Baby Nash. Today, tomorrow, and always.
Mommy
Today is the two year anniversary of your death... Those words still seem so strange to me. How can you really be gone, Sweet Boy?
As I'm sure you can see from your view from heaven, we are in Storm Lake with our family as we celebrate you and your life. As difficult as today is, I also know it's important to think of the happy memories we made with you. Remember our trip to the zoo? Remember swimming in Grandma and Grandpa's pool? Remember rocking in my arms as you would drift off to sleep?
I miss you, Nash. In that respect, today is no different than any other day. The longing I have in my heart is so deep that it never really goes away. And why should it? You aren't here with me... and there's no healing for that.
I want you to know something, Honey... Even though you weren't on this Earth for a very long period of time, you have made your mark. You have changed people for the better. Some of them you know and some you never even met. But, Nash, you have made an impact bigger than many people who live to be a hundred. I'm so proud of you...
One more thing... I want you to know that losing you has been the hardest thing I've had to work through in my thirty-one years. It's a daily struggle to keep walking when somedays I'd rather sink to my knees in a puddle of tears. No mother should have to miss their baby as much as I miss you. BUT... I wouldn't change it. If God would have told me on the day you were born that you would only be able to stay for five and half months and that I could choose whether or not I still wanted you, there is absolutely NO DOUBT in my mind that I still would've wanted to be your mom. I would choose you over and over again every time, Baby. Every time.
Look down at us today as we send you yellow balloons. Reach out to your daddy and tell him how much you love him. Tell your brothers that you'll always be watching over them.
We miss you beyond all words. I love you, Baby Nash. Today, tomorrow, and always.
Mommy
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