Knox's First Ball Game

Today we went with some friends to a Frisco Rough Riders' game. I'm hoping that it's just the first of many baseball games that Knox will go to. Between the Rough Riders, the Rangers, and Brad's softball, Tate has been to many, many games and I would love if both my boys play as they get older. I'd be such a proud mama.

The boys were both really good. Knox was actually awake for most of the game and just hung out in his carrier or on one of our laps. And Tate was happy as could be... and very hyped up on junk food! (Hotdogs, cookies, ice cream, and "red Coke" tend to do that to a three year old, I guess!)

Love to y'all,
Tracy

What a Weekend!

On Saturday, we went to the March For Babies, where we walked five miles to raise money for the March of Dimes. We were incredibly blessed to have over thirty friends and family members walk with us! It was such a great feeling, watching all these people come together to not only support us, but honor and remember Nash.

Like last year, the walk was emotional. Along the way, there is something called the Path of Hope, which has signs with pictures of babies who survived against terrible odds and also pictures of those who did not make it. It's always so hard to see Nash's sign with the words, "In memory of..." I think to myself, why couldn't he have been one of the miracles? And then, I remember that he was. Just having him here with us for those five and a half months was a miracle in itself.

My THREE boys.

While we were there, I kept wondering what Nash was thinking as he watched all these people gathering for him and his family. I hope he was proud of us - proud for seeing us, chins raised high, despite the tragedy that we have been forced to live through; proud to see his two brothers wearing his name on their backs; proud that his family is sticking together against all odds. At one point, I glanced up towards the sky, like I often do when thinking of Nash, and what do you know? One, lone yellow balloon. I know it was only one of hundreds that got away from little hands that morning. But I'm so thankful I saw it because it was much more than that to me.

Once we got home and cleaned up from our wonderful morning, we headed out to our second big event that day - Knox's baptism! It was a beautful ceremony and it meant so much to us. Now that Nash is safe and at peace with God in heaven, baptism has an even more significant meaning to our family. I got teary more than once during Mass, as I prayed for God's protective hand to guide my children. And I got a lump in my throat as the choir began singing one of my favorite songs, "You Are Mine" (which I've actually written a past blog entry about). What are the chances that this would be the song played at Knox's baptism? It was beautiful and I am positive it wasn't a coincidence. God knew what I needed that day and he gave it to me. What an amazing gift.

Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me; I will bring you home.
I love you and you are mine.

Godparents Trent (my brother), Eric (brother-in-law), Jill (Brad's sister)

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Six Days Left...

We're only six days away from walking in the March For Babies. This year I'm really excited because we will have over thirty people walking in remembrance of Nash. I am looking forward to seeing his name on the backs of so many people... some that never even met him. And yet, he has touched each of them. I am so proud.

If I'm being totally honest, I'm a little disappointed that I haven't raised more money to give to the March of Dimes - last year, I was really lucky and raised over $3300. I wasn't sure that I could duplicate that again, so I set a goal of $2000 and I've still got a ways to go. But, I figure that every penny counts and I should just be happy with whatever I get.

We have lots of family coming into town later this week. My brother, his girlfriend, my aunts and uncle, Brad's brother, mom, sister, brother-in-law, and two nephews are all going to be here to walk with us. We are so blessed to have such a supportive and loving family.

I'll be sure to post lots of pictures of the March next weekend. Be thinking of our little boy on Saturday. I know that he will be watching as we honor and remember him.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

So Thankful

Just a quick note to tell y'all that Knox seems to be on the mend. He's still a little stuffy, but he's back to his sweet little self. All the tests that were done in the ER came back negative, so we're in the clear as far as that goes.

Some of you may rememeber that when I was 22 weeks pregnant we had a fetal echocardiogram done to look at Knox's heart. At the time, everything looked normal and the cardiologist suggested he get re-checked at eight weeks old. So we went yesterday to yet another doctor appointment. So far, everything still looks good. They did an EKG and another echo and all is appearing normal and healthy.

Knowing what we have been through, his doctor suggested that we come back in the summer when he is five months old... the same age Nash was when he passed away. Again they will check his heart to see that everything still looks the way it should. At that time, we will also have Tate checked again - he was checked for the first time a couple weeks after Nash died.

From talking to the doctors, I'm beginning to accept that this is going to most likely just become a regular part of my life. There won't ever be a day that goes by where I can be truly at peace that they are in the clear. Every couple years, my boys will head to the cardiologist to have their hearts checked and that's just the way it will be.

I'm so thankful for the news we received yesterday and just pray that although my children will always have to have these cardiologist appointments, they will continue to show normal functioning, healthy hearts that will enable them to live long, happy lives.

Love to y'all,
Tracy