Itchy???

So we've all heard of the "seven year itch," right? You know, when couples hit the seventh year of marriage, they often times get "itchy." Well I'm proud (and relieved!) to say that Brad and I have officially been married seven years today and there's no itches here! But seriously, our seven year anniversary is today. It's so crazy that it's been that long... So much has happened.

Who knew that the farm boy from Iowa and the city girl would end up together? Who knew that we would become so much more than a husband and a wife? Who knew that we would grow both as individuals and as a couple over the years that followed? Who knew that our love would be tested to the degree that is has?

I have to say that the past eleven months have been anything but easy on us. But I can say that we are stronger than I ever imagined. We have our lows and our highs, but the constant is that we have each other. I told Brad this morning that although I wish I didn't have to walk the path that God chose for me and I don't understand why I have to, there is no one on this earth that I would rather walk it with than him. I hate that we have to do this, but I truly feel blessed that Brad is holding my hand along the way.

Like any married couple, we may not see eye to eye on everything... I admit that Brad may play too much softball, leave the kitchen a mess right after I clean it, or sleep through even the loudest of screaming children, but I am a better person, mother, and friend because of him and the love he gives me.

Brad, thank you for the past seven years... For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I love you beyond all words.

Always,
Tracy

October 1998 - a month after we met

May 25th 2002
2009

Little Hippie No More

Just a quick announcement... (drum roll please)...

After almost six months, we FINALLY cut Tate's hair!!! Since Christmas we've been trying to let it grow out and just let it be shaggy. This is because we were having to get his hair cut every other week to keep it nice and short the way I liked it. But recently, I've just gotten so sick of seeing it hang over his ears and hearing Brad call him a "hippie" that I suggested we do a little "chopping" tonight after dinner.

In the past we've always taken him to someone much more qualified than either Brad or I to give him a haircut, but tonight we decided to give it a whirl ourselves! So Brad manned the clippers and I worked my magic with the scissors... After much bribery (including a cherry Ring Pop), Tate finally cooperated just long enough for us to cut his hair with only a minor notch taken out of the left side of his head... I think we may start a new family business... any takers???

BEFORE

AFTER
(ignore the hand swatting the camera away!)

Love to y'all
Tracy

Moms

Yesterday was Mother's Day... Mother's Day... A day for families to be together and give thanks for each other. I knew that mine would be very different than last year - I was expecting it... All week I could feel my tension rise as I anticipated another hard day.

I'm not sure if it was all the anticipation and worry that preceeded the day, but once the day actually got here, I was more at peace than I had been over the previous week. I felt a sense of calm and comfort, knowing with all my heart that Nash was all around me. Don't get me wrong, I shed plenty of tears... But I also got through it in one piece.

I am truly blessed that, although I desperately miss Nash, I have Tate to wrap my arms around. I have met so many women along this journey that do not have this comfort... their only child is now in heaven with Nash. For them, my heart breaks. I pray for their peace and for their lonely arms to stop aching. Please say a prayer for all of these mothers.

I wanted to share a poem that a dear friend sent me over the weekend. Unfortunately, she knows my pain all too well and has been living without her precious little boy for over three years now. Please feel free to pass this on to anyone you know that shares our pain...

*****
A Mother's Day Wish From Heaven

Dear Mr. Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.

I just popped in to visit your stores to find a card.
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought: every card you could imagine.
Except I could not find a card from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too - no matter where I reside.
I had to leave, she understands. But oh, the tears she's cried.

I thought that if I wrote you that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me. We still share laugher too.
Memories our way of speaking now. Would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart. Her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night.

She plants flowers in my garden - there my living memory dwells.
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see, Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth,
I must find a way to remind her of her wondrous worth.

She needs to be honored and remembered too.
Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank Mr. Hallmark, I know you'll do your best.
I have done all I can do - to you I leave to rest.

Find a way to tell her how much she means to me.
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.
*****

I'm praying for all the mommies out their missing their babies.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Pooh and Red Coke

Okay, let me explain...

Yesterday Tate had a really busy day, full of "firsts." In the morning, my mom and I took him to his first movie at the movie theatre. It was a special "toddler" showing of an old Mickey Mouse cartoon and an old Winnie the Pooh movie. After riding the big escalator, we grabbed our popcorn and M&Ms and climbed the stairs to our seats. Tate loved the theatre and was very interested in where the movie was coming from. He kept craning his neck to try to see the projector. He sat pretty well for about an hour and then got a little antsy. At one point, he figured out he could fit his body in between the seats in front of us. That's when we decided it was probably time to go... It seemed like Tate had a fun time, however, if you asked him what his favorite part was, I'd be willing to bet that he would say the escalator ride!
Then last night, Brad and I took Tate to his first Frisco Rough Riders Minor League Baseball game. He was sooooo impressed by the plane that dropped parachuters down onto the field for the National Anthem. And he loved the fireworks that went off at the start of the game. He watched the pitchers in the bullpen warming up and told me they threw the ball "berry fast!" He ate a hotdog drenched in ketchup and relish and shared peanut M&Ms with Brad... (I just realized he sure ate a lot of M&Ms yesterday - oops!).

As we were finishing eating, Brad was pulled from his seat to sit on a dugout with some other bald guys so that the mascot, Deuce, could play drums on their heads! Tate thought it was pretty funny to see his daddy on the big screen in centerfield! He kept pointing and yelling, "That's my daddy!"

In about the third inning Tate wanted some lemonade so I took him up to the concession area to look for some. After much searching, we couldn't find any, so I resorted to the next best thing: red Sunkist, which I called "Red Coke." He was BEYOND thrilled with this idea and gulped down that red, sticky syrup faster than I would've hoped... But it kept him quite happy (and loud and silly) for the next couple of innings.

Tate the Tough Guy

What a great day! ... But by about 9:30 this morning Tate asked for some more Red Coke. I quickly told him the Red Coke is only at Rough Rider games. Phew!

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Remembering

I'm sitting down to write here tonight, but it feels overdue. Yesterday I had a really tough day and I probably needed to purge my emotions then, but didn't have the energy. Brad and I actually had a really fun weekend with our friends in College Station at a softball tournament. But coming home after time away, always seems to get to me... It's like when I'm away from home, I miss both boys so much and can't wait to get home. So when we finally walk in the door, I'm so excited to see Tate, but I also know that Nash won't be there with him.

I had a hard evening and pretty much a breakdown when it was time to go to bed. I was completely exhausted from a long weekend of not a lot of sleep and this just compounded how much I was missing my little boy. I did something I haven't done since Nash died.

With my heart pounding, I sat at the computer and found a video clip of Tate and Nash last year around this time. It's not any special occasion - just an afternoon home with my babies. I just sat there, staring at Nash's perfect little face, trying to memorize every little detail. Sometimes I have to remind myself that he wasn't just a dream. He was here. He was really here. I touched him. I heard him. I felt him. He was here. Thank God he was here.

I'm sharing this short clip with y'all because not many of you got a chance to meet Nash. So friends, meet my little man...

Love to y'all,
Tracy