My Son, the Texan

Okay, so I admit, now that we've lived in the Lone Star State for almost seven years, Brad and I both listen to country music... a lot... we go to concerts, listen in the car, watch CMT, download songs on the computer, you get the picture. Well I guess I didn't realize how much Tate was paying attention. Lately he BEGS for me to put on the "country music" so he can get his groove on with his guitar. In the car, he screams, "LOUDER!" when he hears a song he likes. His current favorite song is "Country Boy" by Alan Jackson. - he often requests it by name... Enjoy!

Check out these pics of my sweet little Texan.

Tate and buddy Kade at the ballpark watching their daddies.

Playing in Daddy's car is SO fun...by the way, he had some Kenny Chesney bumpin' - I have no clue how he fell asleep with it so loud.

Tate's newest trick...climbing on anything and everything... kitchen counters, bathroom counters, shelves at school, tables, you get the idea?

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Sweet Miracles

I'd like to introduce you to my my precious nephew who was born this morning at 7:41, weighing in at 8 pounds 12 ounces and 21 inches long. He is the second son of Brad's sister, Jill and her husband Eric. They also have an almost two year old little boy, Cade. We are so happy to welcome the newest member of our family.

And to make it even more special...his name is Colton Nash Miller... how beautiful is that?

As y'all can imagine, today is a very bittersweet day. We are thrilled that this little one has joined our family. A true joy in the midst of such difficult times. For so many years now, Eric and Jill have laughed with us, cried with us, grown up with us. We have been a part of each other's weddings and been each other's closest allies. We are ALL grieving for Nash, and Jill and Eric have been right there with us, taking every step alongside us for the past six and a half months. So I know that as happy as today was for them, their thoughts were with us, knowing how the birth of a little boy would tug at our hearts.

I know that it will be difficult to watch Cade and Colton grow up together - best friends, worst enemies, but always brothers. These are the dreams that we had for our sons. As hard as this will be, I want both of my nephews to know how much I adore them. Today and always.

Sweet Colton, I cannot wait to meet you. Thank you for coming into all of our lives. You are so loved by more people than you can imagine. You are a very special little boy, who is named after your cousin, who I know would have been your best buddy. Please know that we are honored that your mommy and daddy chose this as your name. I love you, sweet boy.

Please pray for Eric, Jill, Cade, and Colton Miller as they begin this new chapter of their lives.
Love to y'all,
Tracy

Overwhelmed

Wow... Never did I expect the response that we got to Nash's birthday. I knew I had a wonderful group of friends and the most supportive family, but the way all of these people banded together to form the most comforting blanket around our family was truly extraordinary...not to mention the work of God, Himself. There is no other explanation; for this I am positive... so overwhelming.

As difficult as this day was, we woke up to be reminded that our little boy will not be forgotten when we looked outside to find a bunch of yellow balloons tied to our mailbox. I still don't know who was behind this, but I cannot thank them enough for the smile it put on our faces. Then mid-morning, we went by my school to put some flowers on Nash's bench, but were surprised to find that many others had beaten us to it... so overwhelming.

After Tate got home from "two year old school," we gave him the balloons from the mailbox to send up to heaven. He always associates balloons with Nash and was very happy to "give" them to his brother. Watching a two year old boy do this is both the most beautiful and heart-wrenching thing... so overwhelming.

As the day went on, the emails, telephone calls, flowers, text messages, and notes in the mail came continuously. People were willing to put aside the fact that the subject of losing a child is hard to talk about and simply reach out to us when we needed them most. On top of all this, some of my very good friends even dedicated a post on their own blogs to remembering Nash (Lainey Cathryn, Hazelwood Headlines, Cameron Antonio Mennsfield, and Feagin Blog)... so overwhelming.

For months now, I have been overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, despair, guilt, worry, and anxiety. Of course, some days are worse than others. But the feelings are always there in some way. I was dreading how deeply overwhelming these feelings would be on Nash's birthday. And they were definitely there; I could feel them with every ounce of my being. Yet, it never crossed my mind that I would be feeling another type of "overwhelmed" as well.

Thank you to ALL of you who helped us celebrate Nash's special day. I know that it was not easy for you to send that email, or watch the slide show, or write that note. But because you did, we got through a very difficult day... so overwhelming.

I hope that y'all know that we don't ever intend to be a downer to your day. I just feel that by asking for you to remember Nash, I am still taking care of my little boy. Being a parent means you have this innate need to do this and even though I know he is now in the care of the most perfect God, I still want to do my part. So this is why I come to y'all . I hope this makes sense.

Again, I cannot thank you enough for all of your thoughts and prayers. I am forever grateful to you for making this day the best that it could be under these horrible circumstances... so overwhelming.

Love to y'all,

Tracy

Birthday Boy

January 15, 2008 was one of the best days of my life. A second son. Another precious miracle. One year later, I look back and remember all the details of that amazing day...However, today I am not able to celebrate in the way that I had hoped. There's no cake, no party, no candles, and no one year old little boy in the middle of it all. For this, my heart grieves so strongly today. But I also know that heaven is having the most beautiful celebration for Nash - I don't know that there are any cakes or candles, but if there are they are grander and more amazing than anything we could ever create here on earth. I do know that he is being wrapped up in the arms of God and his great grandparents. I do know that he is crawling around among his many friends, the other little ones that left this earth much too soon. And I do know that he will feel the love that is being sent his way from so many people whose lives he has touched.

Today is also a day for celebration here on earth. Granted, not the kind of celebration that we had dreamed of, but celebration nonetheless. A day to remember Nash as a son, a brother, a grandson, a friend. A day to look at his sweet face and be thankful that he was here - even if only for a brief time. I believe wholeheartedly that Brad and I are lucky people to have been chosen to be his parents. We are planning on lighting a candle at church this morning, bringing flowers to the bench, and letting some balloons go this afternoon with Tate.

As a special way to celebrate Nash's first birthday with friends and family, a great friend of mine, Jennifer Feagin, created a beautiful slide show that is attached at the bottom of this post. God has blessed us with the amazing support and love of so many people. Thank you, Jen for being one of them.

We invite you all to join us in remembering Nash today. Enjoy the slide show.

Love to y'all,

Tracy

(Once the link comes up, you may need to click the "View Larger" button on the bottom right.)

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=7cd5f51a12d7082d5c98b5&skin_id=701&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

A Special Day

Back in July, we were overwhelmed by family members and friends that donated money to us in Nash's name. Some designated the money to be used towards Tate's college fund, while others gave it to us to help out with expenses. We used some of the money for Nash's grave in Storm Lake, Iowa. However, we also wanted a place where we could "visit" him down here in Texas. That's when we decided we would get a memorial bench made in his memory. Since I am a teacher, we thought that putting it outside of my school would be the perfect place. And after months of planning and preparation, the bench was installed this morning outside the front doors of Brinker Elementary School in Plano, Texas.
It looks absolutely perfect and is exactly what we wanted. And now his name is there for all to see. I am so thankful to my principal for allowing us to do this. The staff at Brinker has been amazing every step of the way and have truly shown an interest in this bench. I am proud to say I work with the most supportive and understanding people on the planet. And I couldn't be happier to share this little piece of Nash with all of them. Thank you, thank you.

As I was taking pictures of the finished product, I couldn't help but get that sinking feeling in my stomach. It kind of hit me again how real this is. I wish there didn't have to be a bench. I wish that five years from now, it was Nash that was sitting outside Brinker by the flagpole, not some bench. But that's not an option, so this will have to do. And I'll take it.

Take care and love to y'all,
Tracy

The Joy of Boys

Two peas in a pod. Cooking breakfast together - check out the sweet robe Tate's wearing.
The best game EVER - whipping each other with kitchen towels!
That barber sure looks familiar...Moms, lock up your daughters...nothing beats a buzzed head, a bare chest, and a sucker.

Breakfast of Champions (Mickey Mouse pancakes and sausage).

A cookie from Grandma!

A funny story...

Last night, Tate was running around naked before bathtime. After awhile he stood, holding the edge of a small table next to the couch. He put his head down between his arms and ran in place, moving his feet really fast. He was cracking himself up and kept doing this for a couple of minutes. Finally, he looked up at Brad and I and said, "My peepee is dancing!" He was thrilled...

Thank God for little boys.

Tracy