How Was Your Christmas?

How in the world do I answer that question??? First and foremost, we are safely back at home after our trip to Iowa. We left on the 19th and got back last night. I feel like I have so much to catch y'all up on, so please forgive me for the hodgepodge nature of this post...

I can't write this without acknowledging the weather that we confronted soon after crossing into the midwest. Did I mention that we drove??? Yep! Twelve and half hours after leaving sunny, warm, 70 degree Dallas, we stepped out of the car into two feet of snow and 30 degrees BELOW freezing in good ole Storm Lake, Iowa!

As cold as it was, Tate sure didn't seem to mind too much... He eagerly went outside to play with his Grandma Sievers - she pulled him on a little sled in the driveway (Tate yelling, "No hills Grandma!) and dug out a little snow tunnel for him to sit in (Tate yelling, "Tate too big for that tunnel"). Then on Christmas Day, when the weather was warm (like 15 degrees), Tate went out on the frozen lake with the big boys. I know, I know... us city folks were always taught to stay off large bodies of frozen water...unless we were iceskating in the mall, right? I was a nervous wreck, but my in-laws live on the lake and assured me that it was safe - they said the ice was at least a foot thick. Anyway, Tate surprised us all when he went on an inner tube with Brad and got pulled around by the four-wheeler. Then he took a turn and helped his Uncle Steven drive the four-wheeler. He had a blast and I'm so glad he was able to do something new!

We got to spend so much time with Brad's family - which is HUGE! I think we had like 25 people with his dad's side on Christmas Eve and 20 with his mom's on Christmas Day. Then we had the "big" Sievers Christmas with his dad's cousins and their families, which was well over 50 people! It's so much fun to see everyone and catch up.

The picture below is of Tate getting more presents from Santa when he came to the "big" Sievers Christmas. It's such a cute tradition and Tate was so happy to sit with Santa. In fact, as the other kids went up to his lap, Tate stood right there, as close as he could get...probably trying to see if Santa had anything more to give him!


Before Christmas, every time someone asked Tate what he wanted Santa to bring him, he would say, "football." Our house is loaded with footballs, but for some reason, this is what he had his little heart set on. Well, he quickly got the hang of opening his presents (and ours). And to everything he opened, he would announce, "I want to play with that." But the best reaction, by far, was when he got his much-desired football...He couldn't get it out of the box fast enough and then stood there holding it up, for all to see. He was so proud and even now, if you ask what he got for Christmas, the first thing out of this mouth is, of course, "football."

This is Great Grandpa Sievers with his grandkids, some spouses, and two great grandsons... Now this is where things get hard...I wanted to write that this is a picture of Great Grandpa Sievers with all his grandkids, but that isn't right. It will never be right because someone will always be missing. I do have to say that even though I know that no one intended it to be hurtful, it was difficult to hear people say things like, "I'm so thankful we're all here this year." Because we weren't all there. There was someone so important that was missing.
Tate had SO MUCH FUN with his cousin, Cade. Sadly, they don't get to see each other much because Brad's sister Jill and husband Eric, live outside Kansas City. But every time we get together, the boys have the best time! It's so much fun to watch. However, I have to say that it was very bittersweet to see these two becoming such good buddies, when there should be a third little boy, stuggling to keep up with them. How sweet would this picture be with one more little one sitting next to them?


Ready to rock??? This was Cade's favorite thing to say and he taught Tate how to get his groove on! Check out their matching jammies! Thanks Uncle Steven and Aunt Emily!

Tate has been playing with his new toys nonstop, including this one in the video below. We call it his "ABC Computer." Maybe now he won't want to bang on the real computer so much...wishful thinking, I know!

I love Christmas!!!

The car ride home.
Motorcycle book? Check.
Backwards hat? Check.
Purple mustache? Check.
Blankie? Check.
Ahhh.....

The trip proved to be quite the roller coaster ride. It was FULL of so many wonderful moments, that will become treasured memories, I'm sure. While on the other hand, there were times that were so painful and raw, it hurts to even think of them, and yet I have no doubt that they, too, will remain with me forever.

When we got to town at 10:00 the first night, we stopped at the cemetery before we went to the house. Tate was asleep and we felt we had to stop by to see Nash. I cannot tell you how hard it was to see his little spot covered in thick, cold snow. I knew that this would bother me and I tried my best to prepare myself for it, but it was still so hard. I know that my little boy isn't really there, in his tiny white casket, under the mounds of snow. I know that he is safe and warm and happy in heaven, but my heart literally hurt to see it.

We went out to "see" him many times during our vist. One night, we got stuck in the snow right at the entrance to the cemetery and each took a turn and walked out to talk to him. I was just bawling as I trudged to his little marker, thinking, "Who does this? Who has to go out in below freezing temperatures, through two feet of snow, in the dark to their child's grave?" I just couldn't believe that this was my life. This is how I live and this is how it will be until I'm reunited with him again. I know that other parents are in the same situation, but it's still such a lonely feeling.

On the 23rd, Brad and I went to pick out Nash's grave. I had been dreading this for almost six months. God, however, was with us that day, in that it went so smoothly and is exactly what we wanted. I truly believe He held us up as we made decisions and picked things out to make it just right. We wanted it to be perfect and I believe that it will be. The granite we chose has to come from China, so it will not be in until June, but we were promised that it will be there by the anniversary of his death on July 1st.

In the meantime, the little marker from the funeral home is still there, along with some decorations. By the time we were leaving to come home, the snow was beginning to melt and we could even see the grass. Here's how it looked when we left.

As you can imagine, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were very difficult. The church we went to on Christmas Eve was the same one where we had Nash's funeral on July 5th. We hadn't been there since. Pulling up to walk in the doors, I was hit with the image of standing there six months earlier as Nash was carried into the hearse by his three uncles and Brad's cousin.

Once inside, I was drawn to the spot where Nash's casket was before the funeral, while it was still open. It was the last place that I saw my little boy...His little baseball onesie, binky in his hand, tiny socks, striped blanket around him, a family picture by his head, and my mom's rosary hanging over the edge. He looked so beautiful, so perfect. This time, when I went to that same spot, there was a Nativity Scene there. It was really big and also very beautiful. I had so much peace knowing that Baby Jesus was laying right where Nash had been.

The service was sweet as ever - it was the Children's Service and lots of Brad's extended family took part in it. Their little voices are always so pure and innocent. Like years past, the service concluded with the dimming of the lights, as the children played Silent Night with bells and the congregation held candles... "...Sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace."

Everyone began to file out of the pews, but I just sat there, clinging to Brad, as I sobbed and sobbed for my son. My heart literally hurt as I tried to catch my breath. But it just all came out right there and then. Tears for the things Nash is missing out on, for the things Tate is missing out on, for the things Brad and I are missing out on; tears for the things I didn't get tell him, for the guilt over not being there with him when he died; tears for the memories of that horrible day; tears for the days in front of me, living without my baby. So many tears.

More tears were shed while opening presents, when I received the best present I have ever gotten. There wasn't a dry eye in the room when my mother-in-law gave me the quilt she had been working on. I had given her nine of Nash's onesies back in the fall and asked her to make one, not really knowing what to expect. Well the finished product surpassed even the best I could have imagined. It is absolutely beautiful. My favorite part is the onesie on the bottom left - it says "handsome" on it and has a tiny stain around the neck.

I know that making the quilt wasn't easy for Judy. But each stitch was sewn with unconditional love and I feel so close to Nash when I wrap myself in it. I am so thankful for her willingness to do this for me.

So, how was my Christmas? Wonderful, heartwrenching, beautiful, horrible, hopeful, memorable, cold, fun, relaxing... I'm not sure what the answer is. But I do know that we got through it. And by the grace of God, we will continue to get through the most difficult days and we will be thankful for all the moments of peace we are given by Him.

I hope that your Christmas was full of many more ups than downs. Take care.

Love to y'all,

Tracy

How Long is a Lifetime?

My Dear Nash...
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. Your dimply knees, your sweet scent, the sound of your coos through the monitor. Everything. I miss everything. I often wonder if you can hear me when I talk to you; or if you can see me as I blow you good night kisses. Do you watch your big brother as he plays outside? Do you see Daddy and I linger over your pictures as we walk by? Sweet boy, please know how much we adore you. Although we hurt from the pain of you not being here with us, we are comforted by the love and joy that you brought into our lives. We are so thankful to be your parents. I am so blessed to be your mommy. I love you, Nash. Today, tomorrow, and always.
Love,
Mommy

January 15, 2008 2:13pm - July 1, 2008 5:37pm

Five months, sixteen days, three hours, and twenty-four minutes...

Today is a day I have been dreading for a long time now. In less than two hours, at 9:02pm tonight, Nash will have been in heaven longer than he was here on Earth. I just cannot believe this day has come.

So how long is a lifetime? I think it depends how you look at it... On my most difficult days, I have trouble getting past all the things I feel that Nash missed out on. To us on Earth, life appears to revolve around all that we accomplish...learning to walk or talk or play baseball or go to school or fall in love or have children or become a grandparent. My heart breaks when I think of all the things Nash didn't get to do.

But then I have to take a step back and regroup. Because I know in my heart of hearts that life is so much more than that. I'm definitely not an expert on this. But I do know a couple of things for sure. In Nash's case, his lifetime was long enough to make a mommy and a daddy fall completely in love with a little boy. It was long enough for two brothers to have a bond that will last forever. It was long enough to make memories. It was long enough to learn the innocence and purity of children. It was long enough for a five month old child to have an effect on people that never had the opportunity to meet him. And it was long enough to prove that God is good and performs miracles each and everyday.

So when I look at it like this, I can't help but smile because I know that my son had a full life. Would I have liked to share more of life's adventures with him? Of course! But it gives me peace to think of him as being in the place that we all yearn to be someday. He is experiencing more joy and beauty and wonder than any of us could possibly imagine.

Thank you to all who keep us in your prayers and please keep them coming. I feel like now that this day has arrived, we are at the start of a new leg of this journey and I'm not sure what to expect.

Love and blessings to y'all,
Tracy

Worldwide Candle Lighting

I am writing this post with a heavy heart. I wish so desperately that I didn't have to write this; that I didn't have to ask my friends and family to do this for me. But I know that I have gotten this far in my journey of grief because of the strength I have gotten from the prayers of you all. God has truly lifted me up and carried me in His hands over the past five and a half months. I am confident that all who read this will do their best to help me with my request...

As some of you know, I have been attending The Compassionate Friends meetings every month. This is a support group for parents of children who have died. Through this group I have learned about a special day that is quickly approaching.

According to their website...
"The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting®, held annually the second Sunday in December, this year December 14, unites family and friends around the globe as they light candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, creating a virtual wave of light, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memories of children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries.
Now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift from TCF to the bereavement community, creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten."

Here is where you come in. I am asking all who read this to please, please light a candle for one hour in honor of Nash starting at 7:00pm on this Sunday evening. It would mean the world to me to know that people are thinking of him at that time. I know that he will witness the most glorious light shining up at him as he watches from heaven.

I hate that I even know about this Worldwide Candle Lighting. I hate that there has to be such a thing. But I love that I have the most supportive and wonderful friends to lean on. I love that my little boy will be remembered on this night.

Please feel free to pass this on to others that you feel would be interested in sending Nash some love. Brad and I will be looking towards the sky, hoping that he will look down upon us and know how very much we adore him and how very blessed we are to be his mommy and daddy. Thank you for sharing in this special day with us. God Bless you all.
Tracy

A New Tradition?

Today after I picked Tate up from "school," we headed to Walmart to pick up some odds and ends that I couldn't find at Target this morning. I'm beginning to think Tate prefers Walmart to Target because we hardley ever go there, but when we do he is MUCH more well behaved. He was happy as could be, walking down the aisles with me, stopping occasionally to look at ornaments or plastic tubs or oranges. We were on our way to the check out lines, when Tate spotted a huge display of gingerbread houses in our path. He just stared up at the big tower of boxes, looking oh so sweet. What's a mom to do?

I quickly realized he was much more interested in eating than in helping me out.

Once I got the candy out, he was ready to dig in...But after a couple well-placed gumballs, he soon became obsessed with picking out all the gumdrops and eating those.

The finished product!!! Notice there are absolutely NO gumdrops that made it onto the house. Okay, so we're not the best ginderbread house makers. I could use a little help with my frosting ability and he could learn to not lick his fingers so much. But it sure was fun to share something new with my little boy. Maybe we'll try again next year... in fact, I'm sure of it!

Love to y'all,

Tracy

'Tis the Season

Hey Y'all!

So we decided to get down all the Christmas decorations this weekend - Brad took about eight trips up to the attic until he found all the stuff we needed...you "Northerners" sure are lucky to have basements! Then Tate and I played around outside while Brad hung the Christmas lights - I had bare feet and short sleeves on - beat that, Northerners!!!

Once all the decorations were down, it began to sink in that we're going to have to celebrate without one of our sweet little boys. It was so difficult to look through all the ornaments from last year, remembering how much hope and excitement we had to meet the newest member of our family. Decorating the tree was so different than any other year.
We buy a special ornament each year for our children. As they get older, we'd like for each of them to have a small tree that has all their ornaments on it. Then when they are grown, they can take these ornaments and put them on their own trees. The little tree in the above picture is Nash's tree. We put it on our dining room table and decorated it with little bitty ornaments...like candy, and snowmen, and sports, and tractors...all the stuff I'm sure he would have loved. We decided that we'll put this one out for him each year.

As I was digging through one of the boxes I found our stockings. Five stockings. Me, Brad, Tate, Nash, and McCarney. Nash never even got to use his. I remember buying it last year, so excited to fill it with treats and toys this Christmas. We decided that we would still hang it - after all, he's still part of our family. Then on Christmas Day, we're going to put a bouquet of white flowers in it (a wonderful friend gave me this idea - thanks, Coleen!).

Now comes the task of writing our Christmas letter. How do I begin to do that??? Many people have told me not to worry about it this year; that people will understand if I forego the letter and take a year off. But I feel that it's something that I need to do. Even though we are trudging through this grief, we have so many reasons to rejoice and celebrate. I want to write a letter. Please pray that I will find the right words.

On another note, here's something to make you smile. My mom introduced Tate to the following website... Enjoy!

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/WyyZfUduqNVU5jB1

Love to y'all!

Tracy

Poor McCarney!

So my precious little boy was eating dinner tonight and being the great mother I am, I was cleaning up around the kitchen, doing some laundry, and who knows what else...basically not really paying much attention. McCarney, our chocolate lab, always sits at attention, waiting for Tate to drop something, or when he's feeling generous, he often shares his food (mostly the stuff he doesn't like!) with her. All of a sudden, I heard Tate start to yell and then crack up laughing and McCarney started scurrying around the kitchen table faster than usual. When I ran over to them, here's what I saw... Tate (minus his pants - sorry!) holding an empty yogurt container. So I'm thinking, "Oh, he spilled it again!" But as I looked closer, I noticed...

McCarney's face was full of yogurt! She didn't seem to mind. In fact, she was racing around trying to eat as much of the spilled treat as she could. So then I asked Tate what happened. Here's his two year old response.

So basically, I think he admitted that he poured yogurt on McCarney's head. At least he's honest, right?

On another note, I have to share something that happened at dinner on Friday night...My parents, Brad, Tate, and I were eating at Applebee's. Tate started going, "Who loves ______?" and filling in the blanks with the members of our family. Here's how it went:

"Who loves Mommy?"

"Me!"

"Who loves Daddy?"

"Me!"

"Who loves Tate?"

"Me!" (okay, so he's got a little bit of an ego...)

"Who loves Baby Nash?"

"Me!"

"Who loves Nanny?"

"Me!"

"Who loves Pa?"

"Me!"

"Who loves Miss Linda?" (his teacher)

"Me!"

"Who loves Baa Baa Black Sheep?"

"Me!" (HUH?)

"Who loves Obama?"

"Me!"

...I swear to you, that's what he said. I don't know where he comes up with this stuff, but I sure am glad to be there when he does.

Love to y'all!

Tracy

The Yellow Balloon

Since yesterday I've been debating as to whether I wanted to share this story with y'all...
First of all, for those of you that don't know, after we buried Nash in Iowa, we held a memorial service for him down here in Plano. At the conclusion of the service, the congregation went outside and we all said the "Our Father." When the prayer ended, Brad, Tate, and I released a bunch of yellow and white balloons into the sky. And ever since that day, Tate associates balloons with his little brother. When he gets a balloon from a restaurant or something, he asks to send it up to heaven for Nash. It's become sort of a tradition for us.

So I was on my way home from my parents' house yesterday afternoon, listening to the end of the Country Music Countdown. The number one song was Carrie Underwood's "Just a Dream" about a young bride whose fiance' dies at war. Even though the song is about the love between a man and a woman, I always get choked up during the chorus:

Baby, why'd you leave me?
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know.
I can't even breathe.
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, "He's not coming home now."
This can't be happening to me.
This is just a dream.

Yesterday was no different. My eyes began to well up as the chorus started and my mind went straight to thoughts of my sweet little Nash. I made a right turn onto a usually busy highway, and right in front of my car was a bright yellow balloon, quickly floating across the road. It wasn't moving up or down; it just glided straight across my path. I think I gasped and tried to see it in my rearview after it passed by, but I couldn't find it.

I've come to the conclusion that yes, it may have just been a lone balloon that got away from it's owner on a windy afternoon. However, somehow it crossed my path right when I needed to feel close to my son - and that, my friends, was no accident.

Love to y'all,
Tracy

Boys Will Be Boys...

Hey All,

Sorry it's been awhile since I last posted...Tate's been sick since Saturday and things have been a little crazy around here. I'm hoping he's on the mend now - the poor thing has a terrible cough and a very runny nose. No one's had a decent night's sleep in a good five days now.

...But it's funny that even though he's sick, Tate can always find ways of entertaining himself (and me!). I thought these pictures would give y'all some good laughs. Enjoy!!!

Tate's New Beauty Regimen??? Not only is he on the scale wearing an eye mask, but if you look closely, he's flossing his teeth! (Who knew two year olds could have such good hygiene???)

Here he is in his new favorite hiding spot! Perfect fit, huh?

And this is Tate's "funny face." He thinks he's SO hilarious!!!

I sure am a blessed woman to have this sweet little one in my life.

Love to y'all,

Tracy

Four Months.

I cannot believe yesterday marked the four month anniversary of Nash's death. It's still so difficult to even write these words - it makes them so real; too real. Every month on the first, I find myself replaying the horrible events of that day over in my mind. Each time I look at the clock I can remember what I was doing at that exact time on July 1st... 10am I decided to get on a plane...12:00pm I said good-bye to my parents at the airport, still not really knowing why I felt I needed to get to Nash...3:00pm I arrived in Omaha and Brad's aunt picked me up...4:00pm I was told Nash would be coming to Omaha by helicopter...5:15pm I was being driven to Sioux City, Iowa when we found out Nash was not stable enough to bring him to Omaha...5:37pm my little boy was peacefully taken to be with Jesus and I was still on my way to him...7:00pm I got to the hospital to find Nash wrapped warmly in blankets in the arms of my father-in-law and MY WORLD STOPPED...7:01pm Nash was put into my arms as I sat and rocked him...7:15pm I called Brad to tell him that his little boy was gone... 1:15am I held Nash for the very last time and then gave his precious body over to a nurse...I don't know if these thoughts will ever subside. They are still so clear and so raw and so horrifying. And on the first of every month, I go through them over and over again.

I apologize if this is difficult to read. My last intention is to upset anyone. However, I feel better expressing my feelings and I feel comfortable doing so in this way. And I think I have hope that all who read this will offer up their prayers for our family and that is what we so desperately need more than anything. So thank you for reading this. Thank you for praying for us. Thank you for thinking of my sweet little boy, Nash.

I went to a special Mass this afternoon remembering all those who have died this year. We were asked to bring a photograph of our loved one to put in the front of the church. When we got there, I went to give Nash's picture to a lady to put on the display. I just kept looking at all the other photographs of people so much older than my little boy. His sweet face seemed to stand out among the others. It was a very emotional service - they even read his name during a song and a special prayer. It meant so much to me to hear that. It reminded me that no matter how long he's been gone that he was here. He mattered. He touched lives.

As much as I miss him, I came away from Mass today with a peace about me. I was reading a book the other day and someone posed this question about someone who has died: "Can we really say we lost someone when we know where he is?" No. Nash is NOT lost. I know exactly where he is and I also have faith that we will be reunited with him when God calls us to leave this earthly place. Believing this with all my heart gets me through the darkest hours.

Prayer For Those Who Mourn

Grant, O Lord, to all who are bereaved

the spirit of faith and courage,

that they may have strength to meet

the days to come

with steadfastness and patience;

not sorrowing as those without hope,

but in thankful remembrance of your great

goodness,

and in the joyful expectation of eternal life

with those they love.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Love to y'all.

Tracy

BOO!

Happy Halloween, Everyone!

Sometimes it's still so weird to me that I live in Texas... It's October 31st and Tate's got on a t-shirt and shorts so he doesn't roast in the 80 degree weather outside. I'm definitely not complaining - it's just crazy that we didn't have to bundle him up to go trick or treating. Growing up, I remember always being so disappointed at having to wear my big winter coat over my carefully planned out Halloween costumes. And this year I worried about Tate being too hot in his! He chose to be "Little Frankie" which is a little boy version of Frankenstein. It's actually pretty cute and he loves it.

My heart is heavy today as I want so much to have both my boys here. I've always loved Halloween and celebrating today without Nash is so hard. I'm sure he would've made the cutest spider or pumpkin or puppy. But at the same time, I have faith that heaven is better than a million Halloweens put together...

This morning Tate and I went to an outlet mall to get some clothes that actually fit him... he's been running around in jeans that look like capris and shirts that barely cover his belly - poor thing! I let him wear the top part of his Halloween costume so that he would be sure to be in the Halloween spirit by the time it was trick or treat time...and actually so he could just wear it for more than an hour today. He got lots of comments on it from the people working at The Gap and Children's Place. One lady even gave him some Halloween stickers to put on his shirt. He happily called out "Happy Halloween!" to the store clerks when we left each store.

Then we headed over to my parents house for an early dinner before going trick or treating. I'm not sure how much of this Tate really understood before we got started. He's been practicing saying "trick or treat" and "thank you," but that's about it... Well, let's just say our "Little Frankie" got the hang of it pretty quickly. He was pretty much running from house to house, checking to see if the lights were on, and then climbing up to their front porch and knocking on the door. He would say "trick or treat" as soon as the door opened. It was so sweet watching him carefully choose which piece of candy he wanted... he had no clue what anything was.

When we got home, we let Tate go to a couple of our neighbors' houses too. I bet he went to at least twenty-five houses total. By the time we got inside it was after 8:00 and Tate was ready to dig in to his candy. He started with a green sucker and then switched to a Twix Bar. He continued eating the sucker in his bath along with a Tootsie Roll. Am I a good mom or what???

So now that today is done, my first Halloween without sweet Nash is over...another "first" that can be crossed off my list. I'm not sure that next Halloween will be any easier, but at least I know more of what to expect. Thanks to all of you who keep us in your prayers. We feel them constantly and are grateful for them. Happy Halloween.

Love to y'all!

Tracy

A Busy Weekend...

So much has been going on in the past few days. First of all, my mom and I took Tate to the pumpkin patch. This was the third year we've taken him and he had a blast! He was so obsessed with feeding the animals - he was running around in circles, back and forth between the pens. His favorite was definitely the sheep - he's pretty much obsessed with the song "Baa Baa Black Sheep" at the moment and he couldn't believe he actually got to see them in real life!

Yesterday was spent celebrating my 30th birthday. It was a day of mixed emotions...which is how my days are more often that not right now. Brad was great and tried so hard to make my day special. He got me some cute pink tennis shoes and some much-needed sweats - just what I asked for. My parents came over to have lunch and gave me a generous gift card to The Gap and my mom also made me a really cute book on Shutterfly - tons of pictures of me growing up (so many bad haircuts and even worse teeth!). Thanks, Mom!

Last night, Brad took me out to dinner to a fun Mexican restaurant where we met up with nine other couples. After dinner, we went to a bar called Martini Park...who knew how good a Cucumber Martini was??? Obviously not me, since I'm usually in bed by 9:30! It was really fun and we had a great time. I'm so thankful to everyone who was there - it took my mind off things for a little while and reminded me how amazing my friends are.

Today my mom took me to see "The Secret Lives of Bees" (go see it!) and then we came back to our house to celebrate my dad's birthday (which is technically tomorrow). Tate is now a pro at blowing out candles and eating cake!

I have to say that all last week I was sort of dreading this weekend. And yesterday was really difficult - not because of how old I am, but because the one thing I wanted most I knew I couldn't have. I spent much of the day fighting back tears. But as hard as it was, I am sure of one thing: my sweet little boy was sending me birthday wishes straight from heaven.

Love to y'all,

Tracy

Joining the Bandwagon!!!

Okay, so here we are...the newest members of the "blogging" community. Is that what ya'll call this? Anyway, after much convincing by friends who have already taken the plunge into keeping a blog, I have finally sat down and made one!

I'll keep this one short and sweet because all I really want is to see if I can figure out how to post and add a picture.

With Halloween quickly approaching, here's a cute pic of Tate enjoying his festive cupcakes yesterday... Yummmmmmmy. Isn't that appetizing???

Hopefully I'll write again soon once I have this whole blogging thing figured out.

Love to y'all!
Tracy